Parenting

Mom Is Livid After Dad Almost Forgets Baby in Hot Car & Doesn't Think It's a Big Deal

ParentingPublished Aug 3, 2020
By Genny Glassman
Baby car seatiStock

So many tragic stories exist about toddlers and infants who are accidentally left in a hot car while their parents go to work or have a change in their routine. Despite what some may think, this often deadly mistake can happen to anyone -- even the best parent. One woman, however, couldn't understand why her husband wasn't more upset when he admitted that he almost left their baby in the car and didn't seem too concerned about his almost-fatal slip.

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The mom shared that for the 2-and-a-half years that they've been married, her husband has been "a great guy."-placeholder
The mom shared that for the 2-and-a-half years that they've been married, her husband has been "a great guy."
Reddit

The mom shared that for the 2-and-a-half years that they've been married, her husband has been "a great guy."

"I'm a full time student and he helps with everything," she explained on Reddit. "Fully supports me going to school and is just a great husband and dad."

But a recent slip has completely changed her mind.

She just happened to call her husband an hour after he left for work and he nonchalantly shared that he "got all the way to the office before realizing that 'Ben' was in the backseat" -- instead of day care.

The mom was shocked -- how does something like this happen?

"He said that he was on the phone with a client and just drove straight to the office and when he got off the call Ben made a noise (he's not quite taking yet but we think it's his way of saying hi), he realized he was there and drove him to day care," she recalled.

She didn't think the story was funny.

In fact, she was "livid." What if her son had never made a peep? 

"We live in the desert of the southwest. Like hot as balls, 117 degree, fry bacon on your dashboard hot!" she explained.

Her husband thinks she's overreacting -- after all, he caught his mistake before the worst happened, right?

His wife, on the other hand, can't let things go. Now she's scared that she'll never be able to trust her husband to take her son to day care again.

"This is how babies die," she wrote. "I always think, who could be dumb enough to forget their child is in the car? My husband apparently, and he doesn't think it's a big deal."

She's looking for some advice on how to get him to see that things could have ended very, very badly.

She even bought him one of those rear baby mirrors, "the ones you strap onto the headrest so you can see the baby in the rear view mirror," she wrote. "My husband said it was stupid and he didn't need it. Apparently you do!"

She's at a loss on how to proceed. "I don't want to be 'naggy,' but he needs to understand that this is a serious issue," she posted.

Other people agreed -- this was horrifying.

"I have no advice but I will say that this is such a big fear of mine -- I sometime autopilot and am terrified that I will forget," one person admitted. "My daughter is older now, and talks non-stop so it's not a huge issue anymore but it makes me feel sick."

"I am pretty absent minded and leaving the baby in the car is one of my biggest fears. I think about it almost every time I go somewhere with him in the backseat," another person agreed.

"The possibility of this happening is so scary!" a third commenter wrote. "Original Poster, I'm so glad your son is okay!"

Others reminded the mom that this could happen to anybody.

"There is nothing that makes me madder than people thinking they could never leave their kid in the car, or that it's no big deal. It happens. It happens to good people. Smart people. The amount of arrogance involved in thinking it's 'no big deal' is astounding," one commenter wrote.

"I know it's scary, but it can happen to anyone," someone else explained. "And I guarantee that while he is downplaying it to you, I would bet that he is not in his own head."

Unfortunately, it's true. Forgetting a child in the car can happen to anyone.

David Diamond, professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, spoke with USA Today and said parents forgetting their kids in the car is often caused when memory gets its signals crossed.

Diamond explained that people have different kinds of memory: "perspective memory," which is where people store tasks they need to remember to complete, and "habit memory," which is what people use to function "on autopilot."

"We all experience when we have a plan to do something in the future and then we forget to complete that plan," he told NBC News.

"When you drive home and don't normally take a child to daycare, when you have a habit and you are normally driving home from work-- and in those subsets or maybe none at all take a child home -- well, what happens in all these cases, the parent goes into autopilot mode, which is typically from home to work. It's in that subset of cases the basal ganglia [the part of your brain that is working on the subconscious] is taking you on a route that does not include a child," he said.

"The twist is, they did not stop at daycare on the way but brain creates false memory the child was at daycare,” he continued. “If the child isn't in the car that child must be where the child belongs, and the parents go to work with absolute certainty the child is safe."

A few people had suggestions for helping parents remember a child is in the back seat.

Some commenters on the thread recommended that the mom tell her husband to put important objects in the back seat such as his briefcase or even one of his shoes, so when it comes time to exit the car he'll remember to turn around and check for the object is in the back seat. When he does, he'll see the child. Another option is to put a stuffed animal in the front seat, as a reminder the baby is in the car.

Ultimately, the parents got lucky this time, but her husband needs to learn that this was no laughing matter.

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