Dad Doesn't Know How to Help 'Regretful' Wife Who Wishes They Didn't Have Their 4-Month-Old


dad and baby

For many women, there's pressure to get pregnant before they turn 30. But that doesn't mean motherhood will be all that it's cracked up to be once you have a little one. That's what one woman is struggling with after the birth of her son, and her husband is angry she's so unhappy when she was the one who pushed them to start a family. According to the new dad, he wasn't ready for a baby when his wife asked him to start trying, but now that they have the little one, mom is the one with baby regrets.

  • As the husband explained online, his wife was desperate to get pregnant before they both turned 30.

    In his Reddit post, the man explained that his wife was insistent that they have a baby by 30 "because of recent surgery, (which increased risks of carrying a baby)" but the dad simply wasn't ready.

    "The intermittent suggestions then turned into badgering -- such as crying during sex (for using a condom), mood swings, and fighting constantly over this," he continued. She even told her husband that he was denying her rights to be a mother.

    "I was ambivalent about having a baby," he added, but he considered the fact that they had a medical condition pressing them to get pregnant quickly and agreed to give it a go. "In 9 months, lo and behold, we have a healthy, lovely baby."

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  • And although dad has grown to love and cherish his son, his wife has had the exact opposite reaction since giving birth. 

    As far as the dad is concerned, his the baby that he was originally hesitant about has become an unexpected joy in his life. But his wife seems to believe it was all a big mistake.

    "She doesn't like taking care of the baby," he wrote. "Now I hear a lot of arguments daily on why she never wanted a baby but was forced into this."

    She even gave "ridiculous" explanations about how she was tricked into getting pregnant, like blaming her husband for not buying her a puppy and feeling pressure from her family. And has suggested that they give their son to her parents "and collect him in 4 years."

    "I am sensing that this is something that regularly happens in relationships, when the going gets tough. But the daily complaining is wearing me down," he continued.

    And things don't seem to be getting better. Dad says that his wife is open about regretting their 4 month old and tells him every day. "What can I do that will help my wife, and myself?" he asked. "Any advice on how to make the best of this."

  • A lot of people wrote in and told the dad that they believed his wife was suffering from postpartum depression.

    "Definitely sounds like postpartum depression," one person commented. "She needs to see a professional psychologist. It will affect the baby in the most crucial formative years, so please get her help!"

    "This sounds like PPD - I'd advise her to go see a doctor. I'd also advise her to get into some mommy and baby groups - just getting out of the house helps. (source: been there, done that)," another person added. "It gets better when the baby starts to sleep and interact more with the world. You are nearly there."

    Though one person thought there was more going on than meets the eye. "I think it is more than Postnatal depression/PPD because it sounds like the unhealthy behavior started even before pregnancy. In any case sounds like she needs some kind of treatment and they could both use couples counseling."

  • But some people thought the mom was being a master manipulator.

    "Eh sounds like a manipulator, who also happens to be experiencing PPD," though this person didn't believe these were dealbreakers. "She has potential to be a stable parent," the person added.

    "Having a child is too risky to be pressuring someone into it," added someone else. "She really sucks for ripping at every heart string she could get her hands on until she got her way. Now she realizes she never even wanted her way. They needed therapy to address why she wanted a baby with a guy that didn't want to be a father so badly that she'd cry about condoms... a long time before they actually had a kid together. Surprise, surprise, relationship issues preexisting the child are even worse once you've got the stress of raising the child. Please for the love of god get some therapy for the wife; she is not healthy and it didn't start with PPD."

    "She shouldn't have manipulated [Original Poster] into having a baby," someone else commented. "Now she seems like she is trying to manipulate OP again but to what end? Personally I think OP should just ask what she wants to do about her feelings seriously. Like, what does she actually want to do other than complain about the baby?"

    Although we can't know if the mom had any preexisting mental health issues (or if she really was a "manipulator") before the baby, was born it might be the best thing for everyone if she gets herself into counseling to get her feelings on baby boy settled.

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