The Massive Problem With Asking New Moms If They Have a 'Good' Baby


Kate Thornalley/Facebook

Many, many blog posts have been written about the reporter who asked Meghan and Harry if they have “a GOOD baby."

I mean, COME ON! It was the FIRST QUESTION! 

So I nearly didn’t write this post. But it played on my mind. Probably more than it should’ve done.

  • But here’s the danger of the good baby/bad baby scenario.

    I was cursed with a “bad baby.”


    He woke multiple times at night. He fed constantly.

    
It would often take him hours to fall asleep with rocking and nursing and winding.

  • Advertisement
  • And everyone would ask, “Is he a good baby?”

    And I would always respond accordingly with their definition of a good baby, “No. He is not.” 
That’s how conditioned I was to society’s expectations. Society’s RIDICULOUS expectations.

  • I viewed my own precious baby as bad.

    Night times were a cause of great anxiety.

    I would feel my heart start to race.

    My arms would stiffen.

    My whole body would be tense. 

    On the rare occasion that we had a good night, the next day my husband and I would try to replicate EXACTLY what we had done the day before down to the very last minute in order to get another half decent night's sleep.


    And we would always be unsuccessful.

  • I became so obsessed with my bad baby, that I forgot to enjoy being a mom.

    I had no idea how to enjoy him...

    I remember a doctor blaming breastfeeding and co-sleeping on my baby’s bad habits. He told me that my depression was because of my child. He told me that it was because of him that I was feeling this way.

  • And I would then blame myself. And feel more and more inadequate about the choices we had made.

    The obsession with his sleeping continued...

  • Until baby number two arrived. And I was somehow naturally so much more relaxed.

    Is it by pure coincidence that she would always fall asleep easily?

    No more tense arm. No heart palpitations? No cursing? No stress? 

    Even though from the very moment she was handed to me she would sleep nowhere but on my chest?

    Maybe.

  • But one thing I can now say for sure, is that neither of my children are bad.

    We roll our eyes when people make the bold statement, 
“It is just a phase.”
    
And it might be a sodding hard phase.
    
But that is not the fault of our children.

  • Blaming their genetic makeup is detrimental to the mother/ baby/dad.

    It can directly impact the relationship.
 And after all, it is highly unfair to blame a baby for doing what they were literally designed to do.

  • No baby is bad. Not one.

    Not. A. Single. One.

    But most importantly, neither baby or mother have done anything wrong. 
It is biologically normal for babies to wake.

    And to want to be close to someone.

  • The question is just massively flawed.

    And society’s expectations of infant sleep are massively skewed.

    And while Meghan looked sensational during her interview, we all know that in the comfort of her own home, she will be a leaky mess like the rest of us were.

    This post was written by Kate Thornalley of Mrs. Mombastic and reprinted with permission.

parenthood sleep baby first year royal couple