Parenting

10 Times Moms Should Never, Ever Breastfeed in Public

ParentingPublished Apr 10, 2018
By Megan Zander
moms breastfeeding in publiciStock.com/kali9

Breastfeeding is 100 percent normal and natural, which is why it's awesome that nursing moms are finally starting to get the support they deserve from society. Forty-nine states and the District of Columbia now have laws upholding a woman's right to breastfeed in public. Airports and stores like Target are creating nursing stations for moms, and more and more businesses are realizing that a bathroom stall is not the same thing as a nursing room. Pope Francis has even expressed support for moms breastfeeding during mass. But just because you can do something, it doesn't mean you always should. There are still some times when breastfeeding moms should think twice about feeding their babies and keep those milk makers under wraps. Here are 10 totally not sarcastic** times that moms should never, ever breastfeed their babies in public.

**Clearly we are being sarcastic.

1. In the middle of a high speed car chase

Babies don't care if Mom's a federal agent trying to save the world -- they're hungry now. But it's probably best to lose the black SUV that's shooting at you before you whip out the boob. Safety first!

2. While in a tanning bed

A baby-shaped tan line across your chest and belly is probably not the hot look for summer you're going for. Plus, all those UV rays can't be good.

3. While skydiving

It's hard enough to get a good latch when you're snuggled on the couch. At 12,000 feet in the air? Forget it!

4. During a dodgeball tournament

Unless you're out, obviously.

5. While walking on a tightrope

All that balancing while trying to latch without falling to an untimely death -- who needs it? Even if you'll do anything for the 'Gram, breastfeeding while walking on a tightrope just sounds like a bad idea.

6. When you're scuba diving

Unless your baby is part mermaid, and your name is Ariel, it's probably best to wait until you're skyside to breastfeed.

7. While riding Splash Moutain

There's a slight chance the cast members might not be willing to stop the ride to get a baby that goes flying off the boob during the big drop. Better wait till you're back in Frontierland.

8. When your baby has a rare condition called Sharkteeth-itis

Picture this: You're breastfeeding as you stroll through the park. Baby chomps down with all three rows of razor sharp teeth. Obviously, you scream and jump a mile, unlatching the baby and causing everyone around you to faint -- not because they saw your boob, but from the sight of all the blood. I think it's passed down on the dad's side.

9. While participating in an Olympic ice skating event

Last time we checked, a triple axel wasn't one of the recommended holds. Might want to wait for the medal ceremony.

10. When someone tells you not to breastfeed

If someone tells you that you shouldn't be breastfeeding in public or without a cover, you definitely shouldn't breastfeed -- that is, you shouldn't breastfeed until after you've told Helpful Harriet that if they're truly offended by the sight of a baby eating, they can always go buy a nice, new nursing cover and use it on their own eyes.

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