Parenting

Mom's Powerful Stillbirth Photos Capture What It's Like to Lose 3 Triplets

ParentingPublished May 1, 2023
By Lauren Levy
Triplet stillbirthDesiree Buhrow/Facebook

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains images and information about stillbirth and infant loss, which may be triggering to some.

After losing all three of her triplets at different times in her pregnancy, one woman shared photos of her tiny premature babies taken just hours after they were delivered. Desiree Buhrow-Olson, who lives in Wisconsin, lost each of her three babies a different way: miscarriage, stillbirth, and hours after delivery, in every parent's worst nightmare.

In the middle of her unthinkable loss, she posted the images on Facebook and Instagram — despite knowing that they could upset some people — to share her heartbreak instead of hide it from the world.

Desiree and her partner, Tom Gehrke, were thrilled when they found out that they were expecting triplets: two girls and one boy.

In January 2018, the pair found out that Desiree was pregnant and were overjoyed with their triplets' September due date. “It was our first pregnancy and I was one month pregnant,” Desiree told Cover Images. “We were excited. It was scary being told we were having triplets. We had to think about three babies, not one, I’m only 21, not married, and there are no triplets in our families. It was a shock."

Tragically, they lost one baby, named Madeline, in February.-placeholder
Tragically, they lost one baby, named Madeline, in February.
Cover Images

Tragically, they lost one baby, named Madeline, in February.

Shortly after confirming her pregnancy, doctors discovered that Desiree had a large ovarian cyst and needed surgery to remove it. As they were closely monitoring it over the weeks before her operation, a scan revealed that she had miscarried one of her triplets. 

"I had some spotting before but I thought there would have been more blood, losing a baby. We called her Madeline and it was hard to take in that she’d died," Desiree said. “It was sad to hear, but we were still grateful that the other two were still alive. However, I was nervous about the operation. I didn’t want to lose any more babies.”

In May, Desiree gave birth to her other two triplets at just 20 weeks while Tom was an hour away at work. One was stillborn and was born alive.-placeholder
In May, Desiree gave birth to her other two triplets at just 20 weeks while Tom was an hour away at work. One was stillborn and was born alive.
Cover Images

In May, Desiree gave birth to her other two triplets, at just 20 weeks, while Tom was an hour away at work. One was stillborn and one was born alive.

Desiree didn't realize that her water broke at first, and thought the wet patch she noticed on her bed was urine. But she began cramping and went into labor shortly after.

Baby Natalie was stillborn, while her brother, Mason, gave his family just enough time to say hello before he died.

Natalie was born first as Desiree cried through the contractions.-placeholder
Natalie was born first as Desiree cried through the contractions.
Cover Images

Natalie was born first, as Desiree cried through the contractions.

“I started screaming as I just knew she hadn’t made it,” Desiree said. “I felt her slip out and I knew, the doctor came in and confirmed her death.”

By the time Tom arrived, Mason was still breathing and this new dad was able to meet his only surviving triplet.

"[Tom] walked in then stormed out crying and punched a wall. He came back in to hold them, Mason first because he was the one still alive, then Natalie and held them and we cried," she said.

Natalie, who weighed 9.1 oz., and Mason, 9 oz., were tiny in their parents' arms.

“Doctors said this baby could make it. But they didn’t know. I was heartbroken. I cried so hard. I was in denial," she said.-placeholder
“Doctors said this baby could make it. But they didn’t know. I was heartbroken. I cried so hard. I was in denial," she said.
Cover Images

'Doctors said this baby could make it. But they didn’t know. I was heartbroken. I cried so hard. I was in denial,' she said.

“When I held them, I kept hoping it was a bad dream," she said. "I hoped I’d wake up and they’d still be in my belly. I wondered how this could happen."

Just hours later, Mason joined his sisters and passed away.-placeholder
Just hours later, Mason joined his sisters and passed away.
Cover Images

Just hours later, Mason died.

“I don’t know if there are words to describe the pain I felt when I held them," she said. “Tom said he felt torn, like they had been ripped away for no reason. He was heartbroken, I’ve never seen such hurt in his eyes or voice.”

Shortly after Mason's death, a volunteer photographer took bereavement photos at the hospital.-placeholder
Shortly after Mason's death, a volunteer photographer took bereavement photos at the hospital.
Cover Images

Shortly after Mason's death, a volunteer photographer took bereavement photos at the hospital.

These photos of her with her babies in the hospital, shortly after they were born, have become something she looks at and cherishes daily.

"I don’t know what I would do without them, and the posts I write too, help me cope,” she said. "I know that the pictures are a little much for some people, but I think they’re still very pretty."

As the family begins to cope with such a monumental loss, it's the photos that are continuing to help get them through. “It has been really hard for Tom and I. I have to be strong and try not to show how hard it is," she said. "But we talk about how we are feeling and it has brought us closer. We get angry but it won’t change what happened."

Although the images might be seen as upsetting, it’s been important for Desiree to publicly share them.-placeholder
Although the images might be seen as upsetting, it’s been important for Desiree to publicly share them.
Cover Images

Although the images might be seen as upsetting, it’s been important for Desiree to publicly share them.

“I loved my babies — including our other triplet, their sister Madeline, who died in the womb in February — and there are so many other people that cared for them. I wouldn’t have wanted them not being able to see their grand babies, nieces, nephews," she said. "Posting about the babies helps me, looking at their photos and their footprints we had taken, and plaster casts that were made hours after they passed away."

Fortunately, she hasn’t received any backlash for posting the raw images along with her pain.-placeholder
Fortunately, she hasn’t received any backlash for posting the raw images along with her pain.
Cover Images

Fortunately, she hasn’t received any backlash for posting the raw images along with her pain.

“I wrote on Facebook I was going to do it, and said, ‘if you don’t want to see them, message me,' but everyone wants to," she said. "It’s closure for them."

Although doctors don’t know why the triplets died, the couple is planning on trying again when the time is right.-placeholder
Although doctors don’t know why the triplets died, the couple is planning on trying again when the time is right.
Cover Images

Although doctors don’t know why the triplets died, the couple is planning on trying again when the time is right.

“I want to be pregnant again and some people cannot wait for that, but some say I should wait and grieve — partly so that I don’t have another preterm birth too," Desiree said. “Whatever happens we will never forget Madeline, Natalie, and Mason.”

Interview / further reporting from Victoria Burt, Cover Images

labor and deliverystillbirthtripletschildbirthpregnancy lossmiscarriagemom of multiplespregnancy complicationspreterm laborpre-term labor
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