Firstborn Daughters Aren't Just the Oldest, They're the Fattest Too

Who else feels like "experts" these days have Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Startin' Something" on a never-ending loop? Can they ever bring us any good news for a change? Apparently not, considering researchers now say firstborn girls are likely to be overweight compared to their younger siblings.


So now I'm old and fat?

I just want to know one thing: How far do I have to travel to challenge these researchers to an arm wrestling contest, or to see who can do the most push-ups in 30 seconds?

This. Is. Ridiculous.

Published in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health is a new study that suggests eldest daughters will have a weight problem -- and while it appears not to be linked to genetics, they believe firstborn girls are 40 percent more likely to be obese. As if women don't already have an issue in this world with acceptable body types, here comes something to make you eat a salad. Great.

It is worth mentioning that this study only followed Swedish moms using records from a lengthy birth registry.

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Now if you happen to have a sibling rivalry with your younger sister, you might want to keep this info to yourself.

I'll be the first one to admit research and studies are important ... most of the time. Without them, we would find it hard to make necessary changes for the better. So this study wants to link obesity to how a woman's uterus changes with each child (it looks like those of us who came out the vagine first likely don't have the same metabolism perks as our younger siblings), but come on. Gone are the biblical days when the eldest child got the biggest helping of food, and times have also modernized where "hiring" a virtual trainer is as simple as downloading a free app on your smartphone.

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Yes, this country has a serious weight problem, I'll give you that. However, it doesn't mean you should single out members of the older-child club (gents, you're included in this too, as the study says firstborn males are heavier) -- especially when the call to action is diet and exercise. Heck, everyone can benefit from that.

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As much as I love my younger sis, I would have to say my old a-- gets the award for most fit in my immediate family (sorry boog!). While I was into fitness before becoming a mom (Jillian Michaels, I was not), I enjoy running, lifting, and everything in between -- which actually, was the same regimen I was able to keep throughout both of my pregnancies. While my body did change (why hello curves), I must say, I think it was for the better, as I'm faster and fitter than ever.

For the record, I would like to extend an invitation for one of these researchers to meet me inside the MMA cage, so I can show them firsthand how crazy their study is (my spirit animal is Ronda Rousey).

Maybe this study is spot-on, or maybe the experts behind it are still in therapy for getting beat up by their older sisters -- I don't know. At least you know the "skinny" on what scientists are saying about firstborn daughters.


Image via © Chuck Savage/Corbis

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