12 Weirdest 'Lullabies' Parents Sing to Their Babies

mom singing to babyYou try for hours, you're exhausted, and that itty-bitty baby doesn't seem any closer to dream land than when you started this whole experiment. So if driving around the neighborhood and rocking in the chair just won't work, it's time to go to Plan C: an inappropriate lullaby.

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You may laugh and say you only serenade the baby with "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Humpty Dumpty," but we all know that sometimes, the first song that comes to mind isn't exactly G-rated. And that's perfectly OK.

We asked parents to divulge their most inappropriate lullabies for babies, and it seems some moms had better count themselves lucky that that little one can't actually understand the lyrics. Yet.

Here are the wildest lullabies parents have tried on the baby ... and the lyrics that nail down just why we should brush up on the classics before birth:

  1. Pink Floyd, "Mother"
    Sample lyric: "Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?"
  2. Ted Nugent, "Stranglehold"
    Sample lyric: "Here I come again now, baby/Like a dog in heat."
  3. The Aristocats, "Everybody Wants to Be a Cat"
    Sample lyric: "A square with a horn/Makes you wish you weren't born."
  4. VooDoo, "Godsmack"
    Sample lyric: "No more meaning to my life/No more reason to stay."

    More from The Stir: 11 Beloved Nursery Rhymes That Kids Should Never Hear

  5. Pitbull Ft. Ke$ha, "Timber"
    Sample lyric: "I have 'em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off/ Twerking in their bras and thongs, timber."
  6. "The Hearse Song"
    Sample lyrics: "Don't ever laugh as a hearse goes by, for you may be the next to die."
  7. Green Day, "Basket Case"
    Sample lyrics: "I went to a w****/She said my life's a bore/ So quit my whining cause/ It's bringing her down."
  8. Miley Cyrus, "Wrecking Ball"
    Sample lyrics: "All I wanted was to break your walls/ All you ever did was wreck me."
  9. Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby"
    Sample lyrics: "Quick to the point, to the point no faking/
    I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon."
  10. Disturbed, "Ten Thousand Fists"
    Sample lyrics: "Just another day when all that I want/ Will mark me as a sinner tonight, I'm a sinner tonight, yeah."
  11. Metallica, "Enter Sandman"
    Sample lyric: "Sleep with one eye open/ Gripping your pillow tight."
  12. Sir Mix a Lot, "Baby Got Back"
    Sample lyric: "And a round thing in your face/ You get sprung, want to pull up tough/ 'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed." A la:

Can you top these? What's your go-to song to get baby to sleep?

 

Image via lejzo/shutterstock

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