New Mom Groove

11 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom


Think being a stay-at-home mom is for the June Cleaver era? Think again. A new study recently revealed that the number of stay at home moms is currently at an all time high -- and many of these women are far from the A-line skirt-clad, vacuum-in-hand ladies some people still bring to mind when hearing the phrase "stay-at-home mom." Some of these moms are home because they "opted out" of their high-powered, well-paying jobs. Some of these moms are home because they have to be. Some of these moms are home simply because they want to be. The main thing: It's none of our business why they aren't working, and we should all keep our traps shut.

Here, 11 things never to say to a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).

1. Are you afraid that you're setting your career back a zillion years? First off, are we all in agreement that this is just a rude comment in general? If someone took a year off to work on a novel, would they be asked the same question? (Okay, maybe they would, but would it be in the same condescending tone?) Maybe some SAHMs are worried about the effects their decision will have on their careers, maybe some aren't. Bottom line: If you're not a really close friend, it's kinda none of your business.

2. What do you do all day? Wouldn't it be great if all SAHMs just started giving answers like, "Oh, you know, get my nails done, go shopping, see my trainer. The usual."

3. So ... you leech off your husband, eh? Okay, while it's likely that no has ever been that rude (dear lord, we hope not!), comments about other people's money are just ... no. And that includes the ol' "Do you have to ask your husband before spending money" remarks. Not cool.

4. I wish I could sleep in every day. You know who else wishes they could sleep in every day? Stay at home moms!

5. Do you get dressed every day? You're not asking if women who stay home with their kids walk around naked all day, are you?

6. It must be so nice to watch TV all day. Right?! There seems to be a strange misconception that being a SAHM equals being an 18-year-old the summer before his first year at college. From the SAHMs we've spoken to, there's no watching TV all day or funneling beer. Or wait, does that come after heading off to college?

7. Are you going to get a job ever again? Unless you're looking to hire the SAHM you ask this question to, it's best left unasked. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. If you're not the one writing her checks, what's it to you?

8. If your kids are in school, why don't you work? Last time we checked, school ran from around 8-3ish. And jobs run from 9-5ish. There's still getting the kids ready, picking the kids up, making snacks, and stuff to do around the house

More from The Stir: What a Stay-at-Home Mom's Work Is Worth in Dollars Is Astounding (PHOTO)

9. Do you mind doing [insert errand/babysitting/etc.] for me today? Like being a work from home mom, being a stay at home mom doesn't mean a mama is available at everyone's beck and call. She's busy. And if she's not, she's not your assistant.

10. I would kill to have free time like you. Free time? Eh, what parent, working or not, has free time? Unless a mama has a baby who still takes multiple naps a day, it's unlikely she has enough time to scroll through her Facebook feed.

11. Are you worried about setting a bad example for your kids? No, they're not. Are you worried about doing the same by making condescending comments?

SAHMs, what comments really annoy you?


Image via © Jan Scherders/Corbis

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nonmember avatar Sahm2four

When people point out how attached my baby is to me and that it must be because she is home with me all day, like it's a bad thing.

Kattey Kattey

The only question I'm actually guilty of is not geting dressed. If I know I'm not giong anywhere that day, I don't change out of my house clothes. Really though, who the fuck cares? My child is cared for and provided for, why does it matter whether or not I'm the one with the job?

sarah... sarahbell811

I'm not sure when staying at home with your kids and taking care of the house became a bad thing. It's what women did for years. Not that I'm saying women shouldn't go out and have a career if that's what she wants. It's what I plan on doing when all of my kids are in school. 

Charl... Charlyla2

I'm with Kattey, I don't put real clothes on or get my kids dressed unless I'm going somewhere. The kids fighy me, what's the point if I don't HAVE to get them dressed?? Never been asked any of those questions.

baker... bakermom2411

I do ask my husband before i spend money and he does the same with me, if it's not a bill, groceries, or for our kids we talk about it first. Mostly on big purchases though. I like it that way.

Jessi... JessicaWelman

I have had people tell me "must be nice to not have a real job to go to". As if being a parent isn't a real job. 

nonmember avatar Victoria

I'm with Kattey as well, if I don't have to get out of my pjs I'm not going to! Oh, sleeping in is just a laughable idea... I wish I could! If your kid has any kind of ailment, my 1 year old has asthma, that means your up all night too with him cause of coughing fits. I think I was more rested and less stressed when I worked full time. Lol

kymom23 kymom23

In real life, I've never had anyone ask me anything like that before. Ever. 

Annie... Anniethemommy

I was told by a dad at my daughtets school that since I was a sahm and he was recently going to be going from self employed with a flexible schedule to a 9 to 5 that I could be the designated car pool mom. For him and another mom who was going to work full time who used to be a sahm. I wanted to punch him I think I actually cried about it later because of his condescending tone.

amber... amberk411

I don't get dressed on lazy cloudy days other than that I'd feel way to lazy in my pjs and what irritates me the most is when my husband actually makes me feel like I leech off him.and have to ask to go places or spend his money. Of course I'm a mom at home so ya I gotta get bills paid food on the table clean house. Ummmmm duh I'm gonna spend the money you provide us to survive. Geeezzzz

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