10 Important Rules for Clueless New Fathers

Congratulations, new dad!

Are you excited to finally have the woman you married back, now that she's no longer consumed with carrying your offspring? Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but that woman is gone. Forever.

Since you might have some trouble navigating these uncharted waters, here are some tips for surviving this new stranger called the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with ...

1. Never ask why she's so tired or what she did all day with the baby. Just don't.  

2. Do ask if you can feed the baby or rock the baby or do anything at all with the baby.  

3. Better yet, the things you can do -- like change diapers, make a bottle, give a bath, etc. ... just do them.

4. Compliment her. Don't tell her she's glowing if she looks like death, but find something. "You're a natural at this" or "You're a great mom." She's second guessing everything and needs all the positive reinforcement she can get.

5. Never talk about another new mom. Bob at the office's wife looked like a rock star after she gave birth? She doesn't care. Anna in accounting is sleeping eight hours a night? Bitch. Your sister potty trained her newborn? Just go change a diaper and keep your mouth shut.

6. Don't ever mention the baby weight. Anxious for her to look like her old self? Yeah, so is she.  

7. Hug your wife. Like, really hug her; the kind of hug that everyone needs at the end of a long day. But ...

8. Don't grope her. She's been groped all day long and that's the last thing she needs.

9. Don't pressure her for sex. The six-week rule is just a guideline and she may need longer than that to heal or feel ready. Give her the time she needs. And once you do ...

10. Never, EVER comment on her vagina. If it feels different than before -- "and not bad, just different" -- she does not need to know. That is, if you ever want to feel that feeling again.

What else do new fathers NEED to know? Add to the list!


Image via Scary Mommy

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Rhond... RhondaVeggie

One of my husbands friends just became a father yesterday. Perfect timing!

Candace Ross

An important one for me was that even though he could never bring up the baby weight he better not let me go out in something that made me look like I was still pregnant!  IF I ASK if something makes me look pregnant, he has learned to blame it on the cut of a dress (which is honestly the problem in most cases) and suggest something more flattering for my lovely curves.  If he tells me no and someone asks when I am due it is really hard for me to trust his complements the next time I am feeling down about my looks.

nonmember avatar Dave

Umm...10 tips for new dads, and also ALL dads. Heading into delivery room a 3rd time, always good to have refresher.

Benjamin Floyd

This article is disrespectful to new dads. Why in todays world do still assume that Dads do not know what we are doing. All these rules are common sense.

Daniel T Monk Pelfrey

If this is the list for a dad, the guy you're having a baby with, I wonder about the woman's choices in picking such a clueless dolt. So much of this is (such as numbers 2 and 3) are things the dad had better be doing in the first place. I couldn't get past number 5. I had to stop reading.

nonmember avatar Ted Winter

Can someone point me to the "clueless new mothers" list on this site? Wouldn't that be more appropriate given the apparent audience of this site?

This article is so one sided and off-putting, it's unbelievable. I treat my wife with respect, because I love her and she returns it. This article mostly rationalizes the nonsense that women today spew against their husbands. I love that this is posted on a woman's site. It's not even aimed towards men that it presumes to help. It's just giving mother's another 10 possible reasons to complain about and to their husbands. Way to help increase the divorce rate in this country.

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