When I think of breastfeeding and clothes, I usually think of billowing blouses and stretchy tees, scarves you can drape strategically, hell, even ponchos. But neckties? Um... not the first thing that comes to mind, I have to say. And yet, in an impassioned essay on why women should wear more neckties, one writer says neckties are handy for breastfeeding. (H/T to Mommyish.) Naomi McAuliffe says it gives your baby something to play with, plus people take women in a shirt and tie more seriously, so you won't get hassled for breastfeeding in public. Here, let her explain it:
Plus, I have recently found a new reason to wear a shirt and tie: breastfeeding. Stick with me here. A shirt and tie mean that the top of your chest is covered so you feel less exposed; the tie provides something robust for the baby to hold and play with (I've had two necklaces broken while holding baby nieces), and no one would ever dare admonish a woman for breastfeeding in public if she is wearing a shirt and tie. She clearly means business and only a badass mother wears a tweed suit.
OH! OK! THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE! She's never actually breastfed a baby -- she's going on the roughly equivalent (hahahaha not even close) experience of holding other people's babies. Do I even have to go into the logistics of this? Which end do you unbotton, from the top or the bottom, and if from the top, do you leave said tie or loosen it? And will you still be taken seriously if you've loosened your tie? While breastfeeding? Oh yeah, this is a great idea.
You know what, I can think of a few other articles of clothing and accessories that are equally perfect for breastfeeding. Por ejemplo:
- Nun's habit. If you think you're above reproach in a shirt and tie, imagine the yards and yards of fear and respect you'll inspire while breastfeeding in a nun's habit. Bonus: Baby just loves tugging on that wimple. Squee.
- Dracula cape. Perfect for wrapping around the two of you while you nurse. Plus, people will be too afraid of you to say anything because you are evil and you bite. Just show them your fake fangs.
- Lady Gaga's bubble dress. OMG, you've covered in baby toys! And people will be so flummoxed by all the bubbles they won't even see your breasts. Maybe they'll even ask for your autograph! That's exactly what you want while you're breastfeeding.
- Vegas showgirl glitter pasties and headdress. First of all, you need the headdress for the pasties. Otherwise, pasties by themselves just look weird. Don't you think? Okay, so provided you can hold your head upright with that thing on, just keep a stash of pasties in your diaper bag. Remove while you nurse, and then replace with a new pastie once you're finished feeding from that boob. I mean, if everyone is going to sexualize your breasts anyway, might as well go all the way with this. Plus your boobs are both already out and that's super convenient.
- Fig leaves and boa constrictor. Worked for Eve.
- Tony Stark's Iron Man armor suit. What McAuliffe says times 100. I mean, talk about R.E.S.P.E.C.T. -- you get more of it when you're wearing clothes that can literally blow up buildings and send you rocketing into space. Plus, you're shiny, and babies like shiny things. By the way, baby will ruin your silk tie, but good luck destroying this baby-proof hunk of metal.
Would you ever wear a shirt and time to breastfeed a baby?
Image via Vincent