So you're expecting your first baby. Congratulations! Your life will never be the same again. Say goodbye to your peace of mind. In fact, say goodbye to you mind. But hey, I'm getting ahead of myself. What we really should be talking about is all those nasty habits of yours that are sure to bring an early demise to your firstborn child. I don't mean to alarm you (I totally mean to alarm you), but are you even aware of how dangerous you are? This goes way beyond baby-proofing your home. Let's go through just a few examples.
For the love of all that is holy, will you please put the damn toilet seat down? And the lid! Jesus. You know that lid could come smashing down on a baby's fingers, right? Goodbye future concert pianist.