Love them or loathe them, breast pumps are part and parcel of life for most breastfeeding moms. For some moms, it's the only way they feed their kids! Other moms only have to hook their breasts to a machine and hit the switch on occasion.
Whatever your pumping style, if you've been there in the pumping trenches, so to speak, you know it's bound to get you in some sticky situations. But don't worry, gals, you are not alone!
Just get a load of what some moms have had to go through for the power to pump:
1. I was working at a bank and needed to pump. The only room that was private was the former bank president's office, which he only used about once a week. I made up a sign (Pumping in Progress) and got to work. When I was almost done, I heard some commotion outside of the office. Of course that turned out to be the one day that the former president decided to come to his office. When I opened the door, I'm not sure whose face was more red.
2. My Medela Pump in Style pump used to talk to me. It said, "Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica!"
3. I was pumping at home about 10:30 at night, using my hands-free bra, when the cops knocked on the door. I was so startled I barely threw on a jacket to answer the door, flanges still in place. I'm not sure who was more startled!
4. I always liked when the battery would die after only getting to pump one side. Of course I'm naturally itty bitty chested, and since engorged boobies tend to remind me of a fresh ready to explode augmentation, I would have to go back about my business looking like I JUST had a breast implant and they forgot to add the other one.
5. I was at a wedding away, and the kids were with a sitter so mama could party. After the reception I was pumping to dump and passed out while pumping, and someone walked in on me!
6. I will pump while driving to work some mornings, and there is one traffic light from home to work. Well, it's been red several times. I don't even know how many people have seen this!
7. I have very large breasts and did not realize you were supposed to size your pump attachments accordingly, so I used the standard size that came with it and OUCH!! Completely mangled and bruised my nipples!
8. At work I was in the conference/break room and a clerk came in to eat. I told her she could stay as I was totally covered up. She did but couldn't look at me while she was eating. We chatted and I thought it was hilarious that she was embarrassed ... only because she was months away from becoming a nurse and working in maternity!
9. My boss used to stand outside the door [of the room where I pumped] and yell questions to me over the sound of the pump. Leave me alone!!
10. I used to work an overnight shift at a news network and, instead of going all the way to the converted bathroom stall they provided as a pumping room, I would grab a bunch of videotape and pump in the screening room while looking at footage. One morning after I had finished pumping but hadn't put the bottle in my refrigerated pack yet, my boss walked in to talk to me and suddenly noticed the bottle and picked it up to ask me what it was. Poor guy was really embarrassed by the answer.
11. I worked for the county and the commissioner told me to use the conference room. I locked the doors got to pumping. Double pumping. However, while pumping, the commissioner unlocked the door not knowing I was in there, walked in, and looked at me like a deer in the headlights. Literally!
12. I was pumping at work on the third floor when the fire alarms went off. I was so afraid someone would see everything laying out when they did a walk-through, so I packed up quick and ran outside. Thank goodness I remembered to pull my shirt down and that it was only a drill!
Been there? What's your craziest breast milk pumping story?
Image via TYRONE SIU/Reuters/Corbis