New Mom Groove

The 7 Stages of 'Body After Baby' No One Likes to Talk About

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wrinkly puppy sha-peiI've lost some weight recently, thanks in part to a gym class that involves flipping giant tractor tires as if we're all deranged Real Farmwives. While I'm thrilled to see actual muscles tentatively emerging here and there from my flab-reserves, I'm dismayed at what is happening in my thorax region. Specifically: my breasts. The lower the number on the scale drops, so go my boobs. What I'm saying is I'm dealing with some pretty serious gravity/deflation issues, and soon I imagine I'll have to shovel each breast into its bra cup with a kitchen tool of some kind. Perhaps a spatula.

This is an aging thing -- I'll be 40 next February -- but I suspect it's also a body-ravaged-by-children thing. Bizarre things happen during pregnancy, and despite what all those celebrity "HOT BODY AFTER BABY!" articles would lead you to believe, some of us never completely recover.

To illustrate my point, I've put together 7 visuals to tell the tragic process of my OWN body after baby.

More from The Stir: Getting Your Pre-Baby Body Back Is Harder Than It Looks

postpartum body changes

Image ©iStock.com/Remedios and ©iStock.com/x3rviar 

postpartum recovery, postpartum weight start slideshow

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SaphireH SaphireH

Haha, omg i agree with all of this and im only 26. I look like hell after 3 kids when i compare myself to before kids. I have now A cup boobs when i was a C up before, my stomach is all jiggly and gross, my thighs look like cottage cheese, my butt has become home to hemorrhoids which suck, sneezing and coughing are a challenge. I love my 3 kids but not my body and believe me ive spent forever trying to exercise and it does nothing for me

Valerie Metzger

Lol! Too true. My kiddo is two and while most of me is back to normal, the front of me is just a damn trainwreck. Oh well, worth it. Thank God for husbands who agree that tiny humans of your very own are worth a mass of droopy wrinkles.

the4m... the4mutts

Dont forget how dressing room mirrors decide to inform you that you look like a melting candle from the back. Or is that just me? LoL

nonmember avatar ago

Omgosh "tulip boobs!" Exactly the right words! I noticed mine look odd with stretch marks and sagginess after breastfeeding for 5+ years (3 babies!). Love it!

Buffy... Buffymom9

I hate to be the party pooper but after my 9th kid I lost those last 15 pounds I had carried around for about 18 years and got a bonus breast perk.  They are smaller but firmer and my baby pouch looks like a tiny roll.  Yes, I look like a 45 year old woman but definitely in great shape. Maybe it's what we eat and how we exercise our bodies that make a difference.

kckcm2 kckcm2

@buffy I think it has way more to do with genetics. I gave up soda eat right and excersize to the best of my ability with no cartlidge in one knee. About 50% of the above mentioned is true for me at 27. I've lost more weight after this baby than my first, and there are no perks, just more flab lol.

Buffy... Buffymom9

I am sure genetics play a role but I look better after babies now than when I was in my 20's.  What has changed is the food I eat.  I have greying hair and the wrinkles are coming in strong but the baby body, stomach and breasts are so much better.  I think it's food for thought.

ktobin2 ktobin2

Well, guess I'll adopt then...No saggy boobs or belly for me!

Heath... HeatherMarieT88

I think every woman is different and every pregnancy treats out body different. With my first I gained like 50 pounds after giving birth and I eventually lost it and went back down to 15-20 pounds heavier than I was in high school. With the last pregnancy three weeks ago I delivered and I am already back to my preprego any weight and still dropping. And yes my butt is flatter than it was before I had kids and my boobs although they got larger after I gave birth to my first they did sag more. I can't tell what they are going to do when I'm done bf this one! My diet is essentially the same as it always has been and my exercise is almost nonexistent right now as it was shortly after giving birth to my first.

daisy... daisysrdeadly

@buffy I would think the shape you were in before in all honesty wasn't that great to believe you are better now than then. I was in fantastic shape in my late teens early twenties. Of course I was all I had to focus on and now I have much more important things to worry about. I am happy and healthy. Since your late teens and early twenties to your thirties are the peek time for our bodys, we are literally in our prime for physical fitness and health. So either you weren't in great condition than but have changed that now or you are dilusional about your previous body and your now body. It isn't scientifically possible to have been in your best shape than but be even better now without defying nature. Genetically my family ages extremely well my mom has always stayed in great shape but this doesn't keep her from the normal complaints of aging. Boobs aren't as perky. Harder to keep off body fat. It happens that is life.

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