Aww! Well isn't that sweet. Prince William and Kate Middleton just returned from their very first vacation with baby Prince George in Scotland, and it sounds like they had a perfectly brilliant time. In addition to getting to spend some relaxing down time with family, Kate, Wills, and their little prince stayed in a seven-bedroom pad located about a mile from the Queen's residence at Balmoral Castle, so they had more than enough room to spread out.
Their daily activities reportedly included hiking, playing in the garden with the baby, and family barbecues in the backyard at dinnertime -- if you can even call it that. It's more like a freakin' park, I'm sure.
And while we can't help but be happy that they enjoyed such a wonderful trip together -- it is kind of funny to think about just how different their little escape was than what most parents experience while traveling for the first time with a new baby.
Here's my rendition of a typical timeline for a non-royal mom and dad on their first vacation with their newborn.
6:00 a.m. -- Mom wakes up early to breastfeed the baby while Dad gets the suitcases (which were packed two days prior) loaded into the car.
6:30 a.m. - 7:00 a.m. -- Mom and Dad take turns holding the baby so the other can grab a five-minute shower. Then they both get dressed and are all set to head out the door. Then the baby poops.
7:15 a.m. -- Freshly changed and powdered, junior is finally strapped into his car seat and they pull out of the driveway. Mom forgets the diaper bag, so they have to pull back in so she can run back inside.
7:20 a.m. -- Back on the road.
7:45 a.m. -- They arrive at the airport, park the car, and spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get all of the bags, plus the stroller and car seat into the terminal without having to make two trips.
7:55 a.m. -- The baby poops again. Mom and Dad manage to get everything inside, and she rushes to the ladies' room to change junior.
8:05 a.m. -- They finally get in line at the ticket counter to check-in, at which point they realize they are not seated together on the plane. The flight is overbooked. The baby poops again. Mom starts to cry.
8:30 a.m. -- Another diaper change and a security line later, they're finally at the gate. Mom gives Dad the stink eye, which is code for "get your ass up to that counter and sweet talk the gate agent into making someone change seats so we are in the same row."
8:35 a.m. -- Dad tries. He fails because the gate agent doesn't give a shit because she's overworked and underpaid. Mom cries.
9:00 a.m. -- They board the flight and spend 10 minutes trying to collapse the stroller on the jet bridge. They finally figure it out and get on the plane. Then Mom begs and pleads with the dude sitting in the aisle seat in her row to switch with Dad's window seat in the last row of the plane so she can have some assistance during the flight. He sees the baby and immediately obliges -- he doesn't want to listen to that shit for the entire ride.
9:30 a.m. -- Time for takeoff. Mom breastfeeds the baby. He poops. And then falls asleep -- and so does Dad. Mom cries. (And starts getting really pissed.)
10:00 a.m. -- Baby wakes up. Mom wakes up Dad and mumbles a couple expletives under her breath. She breaks a sweat while changing the baby in the airplane lavatory and vows not to fly again until he turns 18.
11:00 a.m. -- The plane lands. Mom parks herself in a less than comfortable chair in baggage claim and waits for Dad to get the rental car and pull it around.
11:45 a.m. -- Dad arrives with the car. Baby wants to eat again. Mom breastfeeds. Dad circles the airport 10 times. He finally picks up Mom and they head to the hotel.
12:30 p.m. -- They arrive at the front desk. Surprise! Their room isn't ready.
The next two-and-a-half hours are kind of a blur -- and Mom doesn't want to talk about them.
3:00 p.m. -- They finally check into their room -- and there's no pack-and-play like they requested. Two hours later, housekeeping finally delivers it.
5:00 p.m. -- After the day they've had, Mom and Dad decide to order room service because they're too damn tired to go down to the hotel restaurant. The food doesn't arrive until 6:00 p.m. -- and that's when the baby needs to eat. Mom breastfeeds and cries. Dad eats. Mom finally digs into her meal and it's cold but at this point, who cares? At least she's getting some sort of sustenance.
8:00 p.m. -- 11:00 p.m. -- Mom and Dad try everything in their power to get junior to sleep in the pack-and-play. Nothing works. He finally tires out from crying and falls asleep.
2:00 a.m. -- The baby gets up to poop and eat. Mom can't get him back to sleep because Dad is snoring. She gives up.
6:00 a.m. -- Mom and Dad discuss where they are going to go to breakfast. They can't come to an agreement. Mom cries. Dad storms out. The baby poops. And that's the moment both parents realize that vacations as they used to know them are over for good.
Which vacation sounds more spot on to you -- Kate's or that of the typical parent?
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