6 Reasons Parents Lie About Co-Sleeping

Say What!? 72

babyMore parents than you'd think are bedsharing. Around the world, families traditionally bedshare (and there's a very low incidence of SIDS) yet in the United States, only 66% of babies have ever shared their parents bed. Or have they? Bedsharing is one of parenthood's best kept secrets. 

If you ask your best friend, she might 'fess up to having had her babies in her bed but if you ask a general population (for example, if you're the CDC), you are likely to get the answer you want. And since we are warned time and again that you can kill your babies by sleeping with them, we're afraid to admit it but we're still doing it.

So why are we lying?

  1. You'll get the stink eye from your pediatrician. The American Academy of Pediatrics officially recommends against it and your pediatrician probably agrees. Doesn't mean they're right. My pediatrician still thinks nursing at bedtime will give babies cavities. As a lactation consultant, I know that breast milk actually protects teeth from cavities.
  2. In this crib-and-cry-it-out culture, you've been made to feel that you're spoiling your baby. Babies depend on their parents. Your baby will learn to sleep in her own bed eventually but right now she wants and needs to be near you to have her needs met quickly. That's not spoiling your child- that's responding to their needs and showing them that you are there for them. Babies whose needs are med are secure, happy, and healthy.
  3. People tell you your baby will never learn to sleep on their own. All of us have slept with our parents at some point. Do you STILL sleep with your parents? At some point, all kids want independence and privacy.
  4. You don't want to have to answer questions about where you have sex with your partner. Maybe you do it with the baby in the bed, maybe you do it on the kitchen table or the couch. 
  5. You fear that you're not bedsharing or co-sleeping 100% safely and you don't want to get yelled at. 
  6. Deep down, you wonder if the studies about bed-sharing killing babies are true. 

If you bed-share, do you lie about it? What's your reason?


Image via Danielle Tropea

baby sleep, bedtime, safety, sids, newborns, mom secrets


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Coles... Coles_mom

I lie about it to the pediatrician. And she's a friend of mine! They do discourage it and it's not worth the fight. I admit it places like here and my mom knows. But that's about it.

Jblaac Jblaac

I don't lie about it...when I told my pedi all they said is you know they safest place is in the crib...i politely nodded my head and it was over

nonmember avatar Laura

I did with both of my boys since they where newborn's. I had people tell me I will role on my babies and that they won't ever sleep in their own beds. I don't lie about it. Their doctor know's and never said anything negative about it. :) I did the co sleeping because I honestly got more sleep, plus I had c-section's. So it was easier for me.

nonmember avatar Laura K

I'm not ashamed to say I have co-slept with both my babies. I felt it was totally worth it. I breastfed and it was just easier. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs anyways so I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.

nonmember avatar Bree

I don't lie about it but I don't talk about it either. If someone asks I won't deny it but I don't go around telling anyone and everyone either.
My daughter was in the NICU when she was first born and so we were very overprotective of her and had a hard time having her even in the next room. We both needed her close when she came home mainly because we could have her close. Co-sleeping was really a no-brainer for us. I have every intention of co-sleeping with my second daughter as well when she is born.

Ashley Kissinger

I wouldn't lie because I do not care if people have negative comments for me.  I would smile and continue my business.  If people's judgey little looks and responses did bother me, I am sure I would lie too.  It's really no one's business but the parents.  I know I couldn't let my child "cry it out;" that breaks my heart.  To each their own.

Cheryl Smith

Yes I do and no I have never lied to anyone. I for the first 6 months due to doctors, parents and others did not sleep with him, however after seeing how much better the both of us slept we made it habit. He will be three next month and more then not he still sleeps with me. When we started cosleeping I told everyone including his doctors and I may have gotten some bad looks but nobody would outright say anything negative to me about my choices because from first sight of the two of us together people know I am an amazing mama. I think of it this way, someday when he is preteen/teen I will be lucky if he wants to stay under the same roof as me as opposed to being with his friends, so when he is ready he has a fully functioning bedroom and he can sleep there when ever he wants, until then I will enjoy cuddling with my baby boy.......

Lucky... Luckysgirl665

I didn't with my son but only because I personally wan't comfortable with my hubby does roll a lot. I say to each there own, if a parent feel comfortable doing it and they honestly think its safe let them do it. I can't believe some states are outlawing it, next they will be telling you how you can and can't dress your kid. Its rediculous really!

Katie Nesbitt

I lied about it because I didnt want to hear about it from the pediatrician but I too had c-sections and it was much easier to have them next to me in bed during the healing process,

B1Bomber B1Bomber

I never lied about it. Then again, my first son was in his own bed from day one and my second son started every night in his own bed and ended up cosleeping because I didn't feel like getting back up to put him back in his crib.

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