we are not pregnant

So much changes when you have a baby. SO MUCH. But here's one you probably didn't expect: you have one baby, and all of a sudden, everything you say makes people think you're pregnant again.

Have you noticed this? It's as if having a baby has awakened the world to your fertile nature, and now they expect you to be popping out babies every time they turn around. I'm one of those one and done moms (hey, to each her own), so the truth of it is, I will never be pregnant again. But no matter how many times I've said this to my friends and family, no one believes me.

In fact, I've found there are sayings I have to avoid entirely because when you're a woman of a certain age, especially a woman of a certain age who already has a kid, saying ANY of them will start the rumor mill churning with news of your impending pregnancy:

1. My pants are getting tight. So it's a food baby after eating out at your favorite restaurant with your girlfriends, but everyone on Facebook is already suggesting names.

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2. Ugh, I threw up this morning. You think it was bad Mexican; they think it's morning sickness. 

3. My hair hasn't been this full since I was pregnant! Never use the words "since I was pregnant," because you're just begging people to ask if you are again.

4. I cried when I dropped a book on my toe this morning. What? You have actual emotions? There must be a bun in that oven. Rein it in darling. Rein it in.

5. I love this photo because my boobs look good. It could be the bra, but all the girls are gabbing about the real reason behind the swell in your girls.

6. No wine for me tonight. You can say it's because you're driving, but no one really believes you.

7. I'm sooooo tired. It couldn't be because you're running after a toddler, could it? It MUST mean your body is building a babe.

8. OMG, I am CRAVING those Halloween Oreos and a Diet Pepsi. Ladies, you don't say words like "craving" during your childbearing years without expecting someone to go there, m'kay?

9. Why is it so flipping hot in here? You're too young for menopause, so it must be ... a baby!!!

Does this happen to you? What makes the pregnancy rumors start?

 

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