10 New Mom Tips for Kate Middleton

new babyIt seems like the whole world is on royal baby watch right now. We know Kate Middleton and Prince William will welcome their firstborn soon, and you know what that means. Time for the new mom to get a hearty helping of advice!

Snooki has already weighed in with a tidbit about throwing on a tiara and makeup so you can work it, girl! But what else should the Duchess of Cambridge keep in mind when the baby comes? Allow us to offer a bit of advice, mom-to-mom:

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1. Don't let the Queen bully you back to sleep. Her "baby" is going to be 65 this year!

2. Don't let the baby wear the crown jewels to bed -- babies need a bare crib!

3. If you must read the tabloids, you might as well read them aloud. Babies don't care what you're reading to them; they just want to hear your voice.

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4. Before she teethes on the tiara, make sure there are no loose jewels. Can you say choking hazard?

5. It's perfectly fine to pick up a dirty pacifier and lick it before popping it in the baby's mouth. But if you dropped it at Harry's pad, you might want to use bleach instead.

6. If Camilla insists on popping by, hand her the baby and tell her to make herself useful. A girl's gotta get a shower in somehow.

7. Ignore Pippa's bodacious behind. It took nine months to put on that babyweight, and you take all the time you need taking it off.

8. Keep an eye on the Prince of Wales and the bacon around the grandbaby. No English breakfasts until at least six months, Gramps!

9. It's a good thing you like re-wearing outfits. You'll be doing it a lot in the months to come (but you might want to use one of those big castle mirrors to check the shoulder for baby vomit before going out).

10. Make sure that silver spoon doesn't have lead in it before it goes in the baby's mouth.

What's your advice for the royal couple?

 

Image via audi_insperation/Flickr

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