Hey Animal Lovers, Having Dogs Is Not Practice for Having Babies

Rant 20

dog and babyOMG. After hearing that Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle hope their dogs are good practice for babies -- I can't help but roll my eyes and think to myself, "You. Just. Wait."

Ugh. Please tell me I'm not the only one who is absolutely driven nuts by people who think having a dog and having a baby are the same thing. Oh come on -- you have at least one or two friends or family members who insist they'll be amazing parents simply because they've successfully "parented" a dog for a year or two.

Well, apparently celebs are under the same assumption.

But while Kevin is hoping his doggy-daddy skills will help him with an infant, at least Danielle is keeping a sense of humor about the whole thing. In reference to their dogs preparing them for kids, she said, "If that's practice you're not very good at it."

(Ouch. Way to hit your hubby where it hurts, girl.)

But seriously -- dogs are NOT babies. And babies are NOT dogs. Even though some research suggests dogs and babies are more alike than we think, there are a few key differences that are simply impossible to ignore.

  1. Babies poop in their pants -- It doesn't matter how many times you've scooped the poop. Until you've seen a full-on diaper blowout, you have no idea what it means to clean up after another living creature.
  2. You can't crate a baby -- Sure, puppies tend to cry all night at first, which makes some people think they'll be able to handle a crying baby just as well. But you can always put the dog in a crate in the laundry room downstairs, shut the door, pop in some earplugs, and go to bed. That sort of thing is kind of frowned upon with a baby.
  3. Babies can't stay home alone -- Hello? Want to go out for a nice dinner with your husband? Better hire a babysitter or bring the kid with you. He can't stay home by himself for hours on end like your dog can.
  4. Babies need to be fed more than once a day -- Yeah, Fido might be cool with you filling up his bowl and then going about the rest of your day without a care in the world. But not Junior. He wants to get his eat on -- all the damn time.
  5. Babies don't run -- Or at least not for the first year or so. If your dog is full of energy, you can just take him outside and play fetch for an hour or so and he'll likely sleep the rest of the day away. But if your baby insists on staying awake -- he's gonna stay awake no matter what you do.
  6. Babies are WAY more expensive -- You think dealing with vet bills is a chore? Wait 'til you see how much you spend on diapers, food, toys, clothes, gear -- for the next 18 years or so. There's really no comparison.

Do you think babies and dogs are at all alike?


Image via Dan Harrelson/Flickr

baby first year, pets


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pippi311 pippi311

I agree. I also hate it when my childless friends ask about my kids and when I tell them they respond with, "yea, that's like with my dog...". Um, no. It's not like with your dog. Your dog is not a child so stop talking about him like he is.

Stink... Stinkydog

I'm a dog lover and I don't think that babies and dogs are the same thing (and no reasonable person does), but there ARE some things that having a dog can teach you before having a baby. At least in my case. I fostered a couple hundred dogs and puppies before having kids (over the course of about 9 years, I'm not a crazy hoarder person).  My experience with dogs/puppies taught me about: 

1) how  to start considering others and putting their needs before my own. 

2) how to love something even though it destroys your crap

3) how not to be too grossed out by things

4) patience

5) what it's like to love something irrationally

6) how to blow up my friends' newsfeeds with 500 pictures of something being cute eating peanut butter.

And so much more.  To this day, I still refer to pediatrician visits as "going to the vet."  :)



BirdCo BirdCo

Sorry but my dog has had a number of "blow outs" (washing drapes at 3am sucks) and gotten sick and needed medical attention at all odd hours of the day and night. I have also had massive vet bills with her and she is as spoiled as any baby. Just because you like it on your high horse because you have reproduced doesn't mean that us lowly pet parents don't know what it's like having a living creature dependent on them for every need. If my friends were like you and looked down on me like this they would get a big fuck off and we wouldn't be friends. Thank god I have good taste.

nonmember avatar engineerbarbie

I find it amusing when young couples get a dog. It's kind of become a running joke between my husband and I. We've seen friends get a dog, and literally every single time they get pregnant six months later.

jec72579 jec72579

5. Babies don't run -- Or at least not for the first year or so. If your dog is full of energy, you can just take him outside and play fetch for an hour or so and he'll likely sleep the rest of the day away. But if your baby insists on staying awake -- he's gonna stay awake no matter what you do.  


LadyM... LadyMinni

Clearly you have never had an old dog! They are just like babies.

1. What's worse, a blowout contained by a diaper or coming home to see dog diarrhea all over your house?

2. Why yes, you can crate a baby. It's called a crib, or a bassinet, or a play pen. Those are baby crates. (And I never crate my dog.)

3. My dog can't stay home alone anymore either. He'll die.

4. If you only feed your dog once a day, congratulations on doing it wrong. You're not supposed to fill up a bucket with kibble and let them eat whenever they want. Meals need to be served twice or three times a day (depending on numerous factors) at the same time every day.

5. Neither does Spike.

6. 18 years of raising a child vs 21 years of raising a dog? I think the old monster is going to win in this category as well.

Spike has been excellent training for having kids. He has taught me much about patience and how to love something unconditionally. He taught me how to take care of another living, needing creature.  He taught me how to take responsibility for another life.

Animal lovers don't think that having a dog is exactly like having a baby. You'd have to be stupid to think that. The point of it is that having a dog helps you learn to stop being selfish and care for another person. (Also, Cesar Millan's tricks usually work better than Super Nanny's with kids. I'm not kidding.)

schlis schlis

People like that irritate me too, but I just smile and nod. They'll figure it out if they ever have kids of their own :)

Caera Caera

Dogs are SOOOOO much better than babies. Let's see why:

They're cuter - most babies are ugly for a long time, or they're coneheads

They smell better - babies generally smell like poop or throw up. Wet dog is less offensive than poop.

They don't throw up on you all the time - no explanation necessary

They don't cry when their teeth are coming in - no explanation necessary

They let you sleep through the night - no explanation necessary

They listen - a puppy is WAY smarter than a baby, up to about 18 months.  

They (usually) poop outside - see "smell" point

Conclusion - babies generally suck. Dogs are awesome. 

death... deathbylove2006

Umm,I'm pretty sure dogs don't let you sleep. Its called going to the bathroom. You are just mad because your dog is an ugly,drooly, whining little whiny shit monster.

nonmember avatar Madeline

You've never had a dog, have you? Stinkydog makes some amazing points.

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