Moms Don’t Need Hospital Visitors After Having a Baby, They Need Space

mom and newbornHaving a baby is life's most joyous occasion. And not just for the new mom and dad, but for the new mom and dad's parents. And grandparents. And friends. And aunts and uncles. Everyone loves a baby. And everyone wants to see and hold a baby shortly after it's born. But, here's the thing: Everyone needs to wait.

Aside from being joyous, having a baby is stressful and confusing. The last thing a new mom needs is brigades of people traipsing through her hospital room when she's trying to bond with her little one, and/or trying to figure out how to breastfeed.

I know none of us like saying no to people (especially people we love), but when it comes to those first precious days after giving birth, I'm all for the dreaded "n" word. I didn't do it last go 'round, but if I'm lucky enough to have another baby, I most definitely will. Some of you on CafeMom beg to differ, though.

After reading through the comments and answers to a question Anonymous asked regarding whether or not she was being unreasonable not wanting any visitors the first day in the hospital, it seems like, ultimately, it comes down to a personality thing. Some want lots of friends and family visiting that first day to share in the joy, others (like me) would prefer a more low-key couple of days. There's no "right" way to do things in motherhood, as we all know. Just preferences.

When I was in the hospital after having my daughter, there were a million visitors. And it made me feel very loved that people drove all the way into land-of-million-dollar-parking New York City to see me and my daughter. But also, it was chaotic. Really chaotic. I was so sore and exhausted that I barely had any idea of what was going on. I was learning to nurse my baby (and my family's old school), so every time I had to whip out a boob, everyone would shuffle out. My husband and I were trying to get to know the new addition to our family, and, well, that wasn't super easy with people constantly coming in and out of the room.

I know that it's coming from a place of love. And it actually feels a little bit like a bratty thing to do -- telling people you don't want them to visit you and your new baby. But ultimately, if it's what you want, you should do it. It's your baby. You get to call the shots. And if anyone's feelings get hurt, guess what? They'll totally forget about it when they're holding your newborn a few weeks later.

Did you have lots of visitors when you were in the hospital?

Image via ConspiracyofHappiess/Flickr

baby first year, delivery


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nonmember avatar Cynthia

Where I live you're out of the hospital with a vaginal delivery and no complications in about 24 hours and a c-section is 3 days. The hospital has very clear rules-NO ONE is allowed to visit with the exception of the baby's parents, grandparents and siblings. Because we had no other family when our 1st was born, we had my aunt dubbed "grandma" and she stopped for a quick visit, but other than that it was 1 set of grandparents and the other child when we had the 2nd and the 2 kids and a Grandma when the last was born.

miche... micheledo

I think it is entirely up to the mom! I LOVE having visitors and was realy dissapointed to not have any the first week with our last one. I usually have tons of hospital visitors but uad a homebirth last time. I actually think it is easier at the beginning. People expect you to be in pjs and in bed ,and they don't stay long.

mommy... mommyof5cutties

I hear that! I'm not excited for a bunch of visitors. I am married with kids and all I want is a break lol. This time around we are strongly considering home birth and all my "friends" have invited themselves to attend. Its gonna be funny when they show to find the door locked. I already told them no ones allowed to be there yet they insist they will show up uninvited to view the spectacle...

peanu... peanutsmommy1

At one point we had so many people in our room, they wouldn't let anyone else in until some of the crowd cleared! I had no problem with it and was happy to share our son with all of the people who were so excited to meet him :)

nonmember avatar Laura

My first born everyone showed up at once, i was so overwhelmed all i could do was cry So with the next two we told everyone to call befor they showed up incase we werent ready

nonmember avatar MammaMel

I loved having visitors!!! It was awesome to take pictures of him with my family and friends!

2cent... 2centsCDN

I was thrilled when I had my third and the hospital had barred all visitors because of the SARS epidemic. My MIL came to town to take care of the older two and I had a full 24 hours to bond and recuperate.

aeneva aeneva

With my first born my husbands grandmother had a stroke 2 weeks before and was a couple floors down.  So when we called to tell his dad he just happened to be there visiting grandma and told everyone so they all came traipsing upstairs to say hi.  I was mortified.  I had literally given birth a mere hour before and was attempting to nurse my new baby when all of my in-laws (DH is from a large extended family) came knocking.  After I got them all cleared out I insturcted the nurses that no one was to get in without the nurses first checking with me.  The next day was much better.

Heath... HeatherMazzone

With me, it wasnt the personal visitors that were the problem. It was the countless people the hospital gives permission to come in and talk to you about everything possible. It was so annoying getting a knock on the door every 5 minutes from some stranger trying to bug me that it ruined my hospital experience and I wanted to leave early. I just wanted privacy with my baby, but instead I got a revolving door of strangers. Next time I'm putting a do not disturb sign on the door.

jayha... jayhawk00

I told all my friends only family was allowed at the hospital and that they could come visit me at my house later if they wanted.  It worked out nicely.

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