I don't think I was ever branded a "laid back" flier before I had my daughter, but I certainly was more pleasant to be around on board than I am now. Once I became a mom, it was like something clicked inside of me. Something that said: Hey, you should be afraid of a lot more things now, m'lady. And flying is definitely one of them. I mean look at that massive hunk of metal up in the air. What the crap is holding it up?
I dread flying now. Dread it. Thus far, I've taken four flights with my daughter who isn't yet 1 year old, and each time, she behaved better than I. Any small bump, shake, or dear god full-blown turbulence, I'm pretty much convinced it's going to end horribly. I don't even want to type how I think it's going to end. I burrow my head into my husband's arm, dig my nails into him, and suddenly find religion. It's a shit show. And that's only one of my exacerbated fears since becoming a mom.
Small things I can handle better. Things I used to be afraid of or just annoyed by before I had a child. Spiders, weird noises in the house, even a mouse once. I go straight into protection mode with stuff like that -- no phumphering for a split second. There was even a time I thought a ghost was in my child's room, and I was fine with it (I know).
But, see, with that kind of stuff, I know I'm not going to die.
From what I hear from others and even a therapist friend of mine, becoming scared/nervous/anxious after you have kids isn't all that uncommon. There's more at stake. I certainly didn't want to die before I had a child, but it wasn't something that was at the forefront of my brain -- because I wasn't leaving a tiny, small, helpless child behind. (Also, to be totally forthcoming, I actually lost my own mother before she was able to see me get married/have kids, and that makes things a lot worse. I've lived through it, and it sucks.)
Have I turned into a hermit? No. I'm well-aware that babies pick up on anxieties and quirks, and I really don't want to pass that down to my child. But I think about scary outcomes/disasters/diseases a hell of a lot more now than I did before. On one hand, it's sort of beneficial, as I'm now always much more conscious of things like my surroundings; the food my family eats; and potential dangers in my home. But on the other hand, it's a pain in the ass. It's no way to live, man.
I'm working on being less "worst case scenario." As I said, it's something I definitely don't want my children to possess. But it's hard for a person who's become hard-wired to think of all sorts of really shitty outcomes to just let go and be all, "Whatever will be will be."
I'm trying, though. For my daughter.
But as far as the flying things goes, I'm not so sure that's ever gonna change. Wow, it sucks.
Did you become more scared of things after becoming a mom?
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