There are certainly unique challenges that parents of multiples face. But just like every child is different, every family -- whether there is one child or ten -- deals with their own set of specific issues. People -- most often strangers -- say some strange things to parents of singletons addressing some of these "issues" they think parents of one child have. And parents of twins, triplets, or any number of multiples get our share of off-putting comments. I have twins. I get bombarded with intrusive quips from people I don't know often.
With most things, it's often not what you say but how you say it. There should also be a boundary of how far you dig into a stranger's personal life. If some of these comments came from friends, it would be different, but it can be upsetting when it comes from an unfamiliar face. Here are eight things you should never say to moms of multiples.
1. Your body isn't meant to carry more than one baby. This comment actually came from a specialist I had to see and I ended up in tears on the phone with my OBGYN who is a mom of twins ... and she birthed them vaginally. She calmed me down, assured me that my body was very capable, and I never went back to that specialist. Telling any pregnant mom who has more than one baby in her belly this incites fear, and that could actually be unhealthy for her, the babies, and the whole pregnancy. Women can do miraculous things, including carry more than one baby.
2. You're done! Just because I have two, doesn't mean I'm done. And just because I happen to have a boy and a girl (this "perfect" family some will call it) doesn't mean I don't want another. Don't ever tell a stranger you think they should be done procreating.
3. You had a c-section, right? Not all moms of multiples had to have a c-section. And some women struggle with the fact they had to have one. Let's focus on the beautiful children and not if they traveled out of my vagina or a kangaroo like pocket made on my belly.
4. Are they natural? Last I checked, my kids are living, breathing, made from me and my husband kids. They aren't fabricated robots or real dolls. So yes, they are natural. Fertility issues can be a tough topic for many. Don't ever ask a stranger if their children are natural.
5. Do you have a favorite? Baffling, isn't it? But some people actually ask this. I have a favorite ice-cream flavor, but choosing favorites with my kids isn't what we do in our house.
6. Oh my gosh! (With look of disgust.) Having more than one baby sometimes elicits fear in some. Please don't contort your face in horrifying ways when you find out another person is having multiples. It's rude. It's mean. It freaks us out.
7. Did you want twins/multiples? Yes, I wished on a shooting star and it gave me two babies in my belly! Sometimes I feel that's what people want to hear. It's an odd, confusing question. I wanted to have a baby, so yes, having more than one doubled that excitement ... or tripled ... or quadrupled ....
8. You look great ... for having twins/multiples. Thanks. Thanks a whole lot. I guess that means most people think moms of multiples look like complete crap after having more than one. Too bad I didn't have just one because then I would look even better, huh? These types of comments make any woman feel like whatever stranger said it is analyzing and critiquing every inch of their body.
Moms of multiples ... what would you add to the list? Did you get these types of comments, too?
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I create a special savings account
I put a little away at a time
I cut corners until I can afford it
Save? Who has money to save?
I plan to put it on my credit card and love the benefits of the reward program