8 Things Never to Say to Moms of Multiples

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twin baby feetThere are certainly unique challenges that parents of multiples face. But just like every child is different, every family -- whether there is one child or ten -- deals with their own set of specific issues. People -- most often strangers -- say some strange things to parents of singletons addressing some of these "issues" they think parents of one child have. And parents of twins, triplets, or any number of multiples get our share of off-putting comments. I have twins. I get bombarded with intrusive quips from people I don't know often.

With most things, it's often not what you say but how you say it. There should also be a boundary of how far you dig into a stranger's personal life. If some of these comments came from friends, it would be different, but it can be upsetting when it comes from an unfamiliar face. Here are eight things you should never say to moms of multiples.

1. Your body isn't meant to carry more than one baby. This comment actually came from a specialist I had to see and I ended up in tears on the phone with my OBGYN who is a mom of twins ... and she birthed them vaginally. She calmed me down, assured me that my body was very capable, and I never went back to that specialist. Telling any pregnant mom who has more than one baby in her belly this incites fear, and that could actually be unhealthy for her, the babies, and the whole pregnancy. Women can do miraculous things, including carry more than one baby.

2. You're done! Just because I have two, doesn't mean I'm done. And just because I happen to have a boy and a girl (this "perfect" family some will call it) doesn't mean I don't want another. Don't ever tell a stranger you think they should be done procreating. 

3. You had a c-section, right? Not all moms of multiples had to have a c-section. And some women struggle with the fact they had to have one. Let's focus on the beautiful children and not if they traveled out of my vagina or a kangaroo like pocket made on my belly.

4. Are they natural? Last I checked, my kids are living, breathing, made from me and my husband kids. They aren't fabricated robots or real dolls. So yes, they are natural. Fertility issues can be a tough topic for many. Don't ever ask a stranger if their children are natural.

5. Do you have a favorite? Baffling, isn't it? But some people actually ask this. I have a favorite ice-cream flavor, but choosing favorites with my kids isn't what we do in our house.

6. Oh my gosh! (With look of disgust.) Having more than one baby sometimes elicits fear in some. Please don't contort your face in horrifying ways when you find out another person is having multiples. It's rude. It's mean. It freaks us out.

7. Did you want twins/multiples? Yes, I wished on a shooting star and it gave me two babies in my belly! Sometimes I feel that's what people want to hear. It's an odd, confusing question. I wanted to have a baby, so yes, having more than one doubled that excitement ... or tripled ... or quadrupled ....

8. You look great ... for having twins/multiples. Thanks. Thanks a whole lot. I guess that means most people think moms of multiples look like complete crap after having more than one. Too bad I didn't have just one because then I would look even better, huh? These types of comments make any woman feel like whatever stranger said it is analyzing and critiquing every inch of their body.

Moms of multiples ... what would you add to the list? Did you get these types of comments, too?

 

 

More from The Stir:

5 Things Never to Say to a Lesbian Mom

8 Things Never to Say to a Mom of an Only Child

5 Things Never to Say to an Adoptive Parent

20 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

5 Things Not to Say to Divorced Moms

 

Image via www.photographybyjoelle.com/Flickr

multiples, twins & more, a mom's life

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Simpl... SimplyEnchanted

I hear the "you look great for having birthed five" and the "do you have a favorite"  as a mom of five children.  It's rude to say to anyone!

jayha... jayhawk00

People like to talk about this stuff! I think you're being a little too sensitive.  I don't mind when people ask me these questions and we commiserate over our feelings about it.  We  had to do IVF and I am completely open about it.  Who knows, maybe I'll help someone who also has to do it and is feeling weird about it.   

headi... headingsouth13

i have been told that i need to stop treating my body like a baby factory. and that trailer trash baby machines need to be fixed. one thing my boys are adopted and my twins are not being place for adoption. this idiot thinks anyone who has more than 1 child is a horrid person and is helping run an adoption mill(HER WORDS)

nonmember avatar Kathryn

The good news is these comments from strangers subside after the first few years. People are naturally curious about twins and the people that successfully birth them, because you gotta admit, it does kind of make the three of you freaks of nature. I've concluded these strangers are mostly well meaning with odd ways of breaking the ice. But if you ask me if my twins are natural, my repsonse will make you blush. I have no problem telling people exactly how naturally they were conceived!

nonmember avatar DB

How about...."I feel so sorry for you, double trouble" or having a photographer say.."I think this one is cuter than that one". People don't think before they speak.

Lori Bradley

One that always made me crazy was the wrinkled nose accompanied by, "They're so SMALL!" Well, DUH! There were TWO of them in there! And I'm not a very big woman...think about it! It's way easier now that they are teenagers, though. The other best interaction with a stupid person was the lady that stood in Target and ARGUED with me that my babies were not, in fact, fraternal. They were identical. You know, because she said so. *eyeroll*

Katie Hesney Johnson

Jesus, some people can't just hold their comments in. I know I would just fawn over how adorable multiples are (and they are super cute!!!), ask how the mom is feeling and (if I know them) offer to help. Anything else is pretty much none of anyone's business, unless they offer it up. Filter, people, filter!!

ruby_... ruby_jewel_04

Some of these work for people who have single births too. I have 4 kids, a girl, 2 boys, then another girl. People tried to tell me all the time that I was done after my second because I had a boy and a girl, and it was "perfect". I was offended that people thought they had a say in what I did with my uterus. I also hate the which one is your favorite question. How rude can you be? I love all of my kids. I don't HAVE a favorite.

ruby_... ruby_jewel_04

Oh, I also get the "you look great.... For having 4 kids.". Gee thanks for the back handed compliment.

nonmember avatar Cindy

wow.. people are so touchy. just take it with a grain of salt and go on about ur day. A lot of moms want people to treat them special ie open doors, make extra room, let them go first, not be upset that there are a bunch of kids running around loudly but if someone asks a question or says wow you look great, which btw is a compliment not a negative remark, then that person is rude and offensive. You can't it both ways. Just like mothers of disabled children... they want people to acknowledge the child but not to look or ask questions. ahem, i can't acknowledge that they are there if i'm not allowed to look at them because that makes me rude.. quit being cry babies and be proud u look good, or that you can juggle so many kids at a time with grace. Look at the positives instead of accusing the rest of the world of being rude and offensive.

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