5 Things Never to Say to Lesbian Moms

Rant 42

gay prideIt never ceases to amaze me that when people encounter moms, their sense of tact goes right out the window. I've been asked the strangest and most insensitive questions in the years since I got pregnant -- most of them having to do with my decision to have an only child. But the questions I get have nothing on those that my lesbian mom friends encounter on an all-too-frequent basis.

In fact, when I asked a few lesbian mom friends what it's like out there for them, the answers were astounding. People are just plain RUDE!

Not sure if you've accidentally offended a lesbian mom? Check out the list of things you really should NOT be saying to these ladies:

1. Which one of you is the real mom? Well, that depends what you call a "real" mom. Is it the mom who reads bedtime stories? The mom who changes diapers? The mom who bandages scraped knees and kisses away boo boos? Because that's both of the moms in a lesbian relationship.

2. Who's the sperm donor/father? Sometimes there's a present dad, sometimes there isn't. Either way, if he's someone a lesbian couple wants to talk about, you'll know it when they're ready. 

3. How did you get pregnant? Some moms are comfortable talking about the process, and some aren't. Either way, it's best to stay out of a woman's uterus.

4. Aren't you worried that your kids will be queer? As writer, lesbian, and mom of two Shannon Cate told The Stir, "We are often put on the defensive about whether our kids are more likely to be queer themselves if we raise them. Many answers to this abound, the two most popular being: 1) research shows that the answer is no, 2) most queers were raised by heterosexual parents so this isn't a likely thing. But I am bothered by the fact that we answer in these ways. The answer should be, 'What if our kids WERE queer? What's wrong with that?'"

5. Which one of you is the dad? Neither! Lesbian moms may go by different names (mom and mommy, mama and mom mom, etc.), but they're still moms.

See also:

8 Things Never to Say to a Mom of an Only Child

5 Things Never to Say to an Adoptive Parent

20 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

5 Things Not to Say to Divorced Moms

 

Lesbian moms, got anything to add to our list? What drives you crazy?

 

Image via Guillaume Paumier/Flickr

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