8 Weird Behaviors Only a Parent Can Get Away With

LOL 17

strollerBeing a parent isn't the world's most glamorous job, but it certainly has its perks. In addition to, you know, having an adorable little being that you get to play with and coo over all day, being a mom or dad gives you a pass. A pass to do some seriously weird, kind of frowned upon things. Things you could never get away with before you had kids. Here are 8 things you can only do when you're a parent.

Smell another person's butt. I mean, technically, you could do this if you don't have kids. But it would be weird. And you'll probably get smacked -- especially if you do it in public to, like, some strange woman or something. Ooh, one childless group who's exempt: Dogs.

Use your spit to clean something off another person's face. Little known fact: Your saliva becomes a disinfectant once you have a child. Something about how the salivary glands react with the hormones -- not totally sure, but pretty cool, eh? (Note: Cleansing properties are only activated if you lick your thumb and rub like so.)

Do the dorky parent dance. Another physiological change that happens after you become a parent: Your dancing automatically becomes dorky. But don't feel bad -- it even happened to Gwyneth Paltrow. Researchers are still trying to understand the enigma that is Beyonce.

Say you're tired and have people actually believe you. One of the most annoying things when you're pregnant is when you say, "Gee, I'm tired," and someone responds with, "You think you're tired now? Just wait until you have kids!!!" Now you can finally say it and have it be reciprocated with a sympathetic look. Will it change the fact that you're exhausted? No. But sympathy is nice.

Make the schedule. Sorry, but babies trump any excuse. When you're making plans with other people, they kind of have to go with your timetable, because, you know, nap times and whatnot. And hey, how many times did you do that for others before you had kids of your own?

Talk in a high-pitched squeal! This has to end at some point. But when you have a baby, feel free to speak in whatever weird voice and cadence you please. 

Stare at someone for hours on end. I stare at my child non-stop. I can't help it. She's just so cute. But I imagine if I did this to ... anyone else ... it would be kind of frowned upon. And someone might call the cops.

Leave the house looking like a crazy person. When you don't have a kid, and you leave the house in sweatpants, a stained shirt, and a ponytail, you're a "slob." But when you're a parent, you're "busy."

What other things can only parents do?


Image via Joe Shlabotnik/Flickr

baby first year


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

rhps2000 rhps2000

Go nuts when your kid hits the baseball at his Little League game. Might be awkward if it isn't your kid you go that crazy for. LOL. :)

nonmember avatar Lulu'sMama

How about pick someone else's nose and get satisfaction from it? Just last night I tried for ages to get a booger out of my 2 year old daughter’s nose. Of course she ran away and pushed every tissue away as soon as I got it close to her face. I finally just snuck my hand up there and picked her nose really quickly – I got the biggest, grossest booger ever out of her nose. Total satisfaction!

squee... squeekers

we get to have the fun of making our teenager embarrased at school by saying, "I love you." when they get out of the carpool in the mornings. Or making kissy noises when DD smooches her boyfriend as they walk to the carpool after school.


MrsJa... MrsJaimet

Even if you are a parent doing #8 still makes you a slob. Its not that hard to throw on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt... I have a 4 year old 2 year and a 6 month old and still dont leave the house looking like death.


Jrenae75 Jrenae75

Your kid is nowhere around, you're with other adults and you announce you have to "go potty".

Sara Lundberg

Dress up on halloween and go trick or treating cus if your an adult begging for candy and you have no kids then u just look stupid

Phyll... PhyllisGB

buy toys for them because you secretly want to play with the toys?  :D

Lilly... LillysMama0308

lol Love this post lol.. Iam sitting cracking up.. An to Jrenae75- Yes I have did that many times and would get weird looks when I would say" I have to go Potty" lol Sara Lundberg- Yep that is the Main reason my husband LOVES having kids lol.. He is such a hug kid himself. And PhyllisGB- I have actually talk my kids into toys just so I can buy them and play with them lol.. Being a parent can be soo much fun sometimes lol..

mindy... mindyjane283

I love how one assumes a stained shirt means its dirty.....  *sigh*  I often leave the house in yoga pants a tshirt and my hair up in a cray ponytail.  why?  lets face it my 11 month old tries to pull my hair out (just now getting enough where we can show her it hurts) yoga pans are comfy and jeans aren't always or hey yeah that giant pile of laundry I need to do but can't cause there are teeth being cut and a thats over clingy becuase she just doesn't feel good and doesn't know why.  yeah I may go out lookin like crap but the clothes are clean so really thinking that a person is wearing dirty clothes and didnt throw on something clean that just so happened to look a mess is pretty crap of you.  Im glad you have 3 kids and are so worried about your looks.  I'm not I worry more about my kid an my husband.  me time is at the bottom of the list.


I always swore I'd never clean my child with my spit & to this day I haven't & my daughter is three. I always carry wipes on me.

1-10 of 17 comments 12 Last