nicole fabian-weber
Kiss my diapered butt.
Being a new mom is wonderful and amazing and all sorts of awesome, but there are definitely parts that leave something to be desired. And, no, I'm not talking about anything having to do with the baby here. I'm talking about some of the questions you get asked. Some of the annoying, rude, occasionally hurtful questions you get asked during the first few months of having a child. It's like, back off, people. I just had a baby. Here are the 10 worst, most annoying questions new moms get asked.

Are you still breastfeeding? Okay, this one needs some context. If you're my friend, go ahead, ask away -- hell, you probably know -- but if I really don't know you -- or rarely talk to you -- is it any of your business? No joke, my 7-year-old nephew came up to me during the holidays while I was at my in-laws' place and asked me if I gave my daughter bottles "because his mom wanted to know." (His mom and my brother-in-law are divorced; she wasn't there.) What up with that? I never even talk to this woman! If I am, will you give me a prize?! And if I'm not, will you send me to time-out?!

When are you going to have another one? It's just a sort of personal question that kind of puts you on the spot. Also, it's a family decision. So why don't I talk things over with my husband and then get back to you, kthnxbai?

Did you lose all the baby weight? Hmm, well, if you're asking me, you clearly don't think I did, now do you know?

Does she have teeth yet? Is she crawling? Is she talking? She isn't rolling over, oh mah gahhhhh! Dude. Do you really not know that all babies do things at their own pace? And I'm pretty confident that even though my daughter doesn't have a full set of chompers just yet, she will by the time she goes to kindergarten.

Did you sign her up for classes? Well, being that her favorite thing to do right now is look at herself in the mirror and pull my hair, I think we're all set on the entertainment front for a while. 

How do you like being a mom? What if I'm postpartum? What if I'm having a super rough time? And, I mean, really, what answer does one to expect to get here: "It totally blows"?

You're picking her up again? I don't know, I thought it was a good idea being that she's crying.

Did you have a natural birth? Again, if I really don't know you, why are you all up in m'junk like this? The answer is no, I didn't have a natural birth. I got an epidural and I loved it. But I'm guessing you did have a natural birth and you want to make me feel like crap for not, right?

Do you like working/being a SAHM? Really, there's no answer to either of these questions that will please everyone, is there? It's a debate that will last until the end of time, so let's not fan any fires. 

Do you and your husband ever get out? Well, since you're so interested in my personal life, the answer is, yeah, we do get out. But we're usually in before sundown. And yes, the baby's with us. But we've got big plans to go to the movies in a few weeks, so there's that!

What annoying questions have people asked you?


Image via Nicole Fabian-Weber