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Moms Are Totally Selfish According to Parenting Expert With No Kids

by Jeanne Sager on December 6, 2012 at 11:23 AM

baby footHow's this for refreshing? The latest hate-filled screed against moms written by a child-free woman actually has a kernel of truth to it! Lauren Passell, a former editor at a parenting magazine, took to her computer to blast off an essay insisting "moms are actually the most selfish people in the universe."

Her essay gave little in the way of facts to back up her theory ... surprise, surprise! But the fact is, Lauren Passell could be on to something.

Says Passell in her anti-mom piece that screams of burnt bridges (so much for going back to the world of parenting magazines):

A mother is like that annoying, over-achiever in your physics class who spent 80 hours on homework and is willing to protect her work to the death. She cares about her work because it is a piece of herself. When mothers care about their children, they are caring about themselves.

So, because we care about another person, we care about ourselves? There's some faulty logic there, my dear.

The truth is more moms would be better off being a little more selfish!

I'm not talking total narcissist, believes she is the center of the world kind of selfish here. I'm talking about refusing to make your kids the very center of the universe.

Our generation of mothers has spurred the creation of the term "helicopter parenting," a phrase that certainly connotes the "annoying, over-achiever" Passell refers to, but speaks not to selfishness for the parent but for the child. These over-involved parents are creating a generation of self-involved brats, kids who are being raised to believe that the world is their oyster, and every adult will act as Mom (and often Dad) does in catering to them.

I'll allow that even those of us who scorn the helicopter moms fall prey to it now and then. Especially as the mother of an only child, I have a heightened awareness that I need to keep the spoiling at bay. But sometimes they look at you with those big blue (in my case) eyes, and you just fall. It happens. It's part of loving someone. 

But if we really love our kids, we must resist. No one wants to be the mother who raised the asshole college kid who pitches a fit when she doesn't get her way, the co-worker who simply cannot be a team player, the 25-year-old man who still expects women to set out his clothes in the morning and fetch his beer.

I implore other moms: be selfish. Show your kids that they are not always first. Sit on your lazy butt once in awhile and let them do for themselves. Watch your own damn TV show while they play quietly without you for an hour. In the end, this is a sign of love too.

Are you a selfish mom? Why the heck not?


Image via { pranav }/Flickr

Filed Under: bonding


  • ruby_...


    December 6, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    I really think that people whi have no kids need to stop trying to give advice. It just doesn't make sense. 

  • amiec...


    December 6, 2012 at 11:42 AM

    Why do people without children tell us how to be parents? That's like me saying to a man, "Oh, you're being a man all wrong. Let me show you." I'm not a man, how would I know? -_________- 

  • Heath...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Heather Covert McCarthy

    December 6, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    Holy Crap. This is just wrong on sooooooo many levels. Maybe she's just jealous.

  • Miche...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Michele Fraser

    December 6, 2012 at 11:56 AM

    My mom gave up her rights to be my mother when I was 4 , for her boyfriend, that was selfish. Me putting my kid at the center of my world is the right thing to do.

  • iicar...


    December 6, 2012 at 12:12 PM
    I love when people without kids give you parenting advice. Here's my advice if you don't have kids keep it to yourself. I'd like to hear her theories when she has kids. Something tells me her opnion will change.
  • Flori...


    December 6, 2012 at 12:17 PM
    I had read her piece and she has some very salient criticisms of the behavior of mothers. Could she have expressed these criticisms less hatefully? You bet, but that doesn't change the fact that some are spot on.
  • hello...


    December 6, 2012 at 12:23 PM

    I agree with the author. Mothers are actually the most SELFLESS people on the planet. Everything is about the kids. While there's nothing wrong with that, you do need to take the time to care for yourself every once in a while. Maybe not massage spas every weekend or even a routine mani/pedi. But take some time to focus on YOU and YOUR needs once in a while. It's ok to let the kids "make their own pop  tarts" in the morning if the extra hour or two of sleep will help save your sanity.

  • Amand...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Amanda Michelle Booth

    December 6, 2012 at 12:34 PM

    i think she should stfu shes selffish cuz she just cares only about herself

  • Flori...


    December 6, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    I would argue that letting the kids do some things for themselves is not at all selfish of mothers, but is in fact good parenting. It is very important that we teach our children to be capable and self sufficient. So moms who let their kids fend for themselves while they sleep in are still in fact parenting their children.

  • Pinkmani


    December 6, 2012 at 12:44 PM

    People without children give advice to those with kids because sometimes you need the perspective of an outsider looking in. Moms can be VERY selfish, but it's only because they want the best for their kids. 

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