cards for new momsHave you looked for a new baby card lately? Well, I did yesterday, and it took me 20 minutes to settle on something completely mediocre. Where were the honest ones? The non-sugar coated congratulatory wishes? The funny? They were nowhere to be found, so I came up with some messages of my own.

Hallmark, are you listening?

1. Congratulations! You're about to be held hostage against your will for the next 18 years!

2. Mazel tov! Your vagina will never be the same.

3. Congratulations ... Better you than me.

4. You're having a girl ... Start locking up your makeup and jewelry now!

5. It's a boy! And he is going to be DISGUSTING!

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6. Celebrate! From this moment on, nothing belongs to YOU anymore.

7. Best wishes with your bundle of joy. You're going to need it!

8. Congratulations! My vagina aches just thinking about you!

9. Congrats! Being a mother is going to kick your ass.

10. I heard you're pregnant ... Good luck with that.

 

Image via Scary Mommy