Mom Who Abandoned Baby in Duffel Bag Deserves Our Sympathy

Heartbreaking 65

duffleIt was like a scene out of a movie. Someone knocks on your door, you go to answer,  but it looks like no one is there. Then you look down and their is a baby laying on the ground. That is what actually happened to a Tuscon, Arizona apartment building manager who found a newborn abandoned in a duffel bag at her doorstep.

The mother was nowhere in sight. Some have criticized her for just leaving the 4 to 6-day-old baby girl where she did, suggesting it put her in harms way. But I would argue just the opposite. After making what surely was a heart-wrenching decision, she left the child where she would be found quickly.

Doctors who checked out the newborn girl say she is in good condition, but police say that dropping her off at someone's door was too risky. They say the caregiver should have physically handed her over to a worker at Baby Safe Haven, a place where you can desert you child with no questions asked. But even facing someone during that moment could be too intimidating for a women on the verge of such a societal taboo.

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Of course, it’s sad to think that someone has abandoned their child, but what a relief she was unharmed. I can’t imagine being in a position where I thought my baby was better off with strangers than with me. But sadly, that is a reality so many young mother's face. That is why programs like Baby Safe Haven are such a godsend. These women are not made to feel bad or like criminals for their choice. In fact, these moms who abandon their kids responsibly (if you accept there is such as thing) should be lauded for that bravery. It's not easy to give up your child, even if it means they are better off for it.

There are too many cases where people have their kids living in dangerous and/or deadly environments. Children suffer through  inhumane conditions every single day in this country. And how many times have we read about some young girl who gave birth and threw her baby in a garbage can?  This mother likely did the best she could to get her daughter to a safe place. Was it ideal? No. But it was courageous. She wanted to give her baby something better than she could offer at this moment and I applaud her for that.

Do you think what this mother did was cowardly or brave?


Image via Alessandro Vernet/Flickr

childcare, in the news, newborns, safety


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Caera Caera

What is it with Stir "writers" who keep insisting moms who abandon their babies deserve sympathy? They DO NOT. They deserve forced sterilization and jail.

power... powertothekids

caera i disagree pretend you just had a baby and BAM stock market crash! your broke got no money for your kid so you give him/her away so she could live a full life

kelti... kelticmom

Powertothekids, in that scenario, I would flip burgers at McDonald's, I would apply for WIC, foodstamps, welfare, etc. I would go to a rescue mission, a foodbank, Catholic charities. Nothing, NOTHING could ever make me abandon my baby to strangers in a bag. Women who do this do not deserve sympathy, they deserve exactly what Caera said.

corri... corrinacs

I think a lot of you have never been physically or emotionally in this situation.  Its easy to say "I'll never do that" but maybe there were many reasons why she was afraid to show who she was.....there could have been many things going on behind the scenes.  

I think what she did was brave IMO.  GIving up a child is NOT easy.  I watched my dad give me away to a good family, and I know deep down that was the hardest thing that man ever did in his life.  But he knew he didn't have the means to take care of me.

That being said, I can imagine that's what was going on with this mom (or dad or someone just don't know).  But they didn't ahve the "courage" to show who they were.  At least the baby was found and taken good care of it sounds.  Isn't that the most important thing here?

sofia... sofia0587

Idk I can't judge her because who knows what was going through her head all I can say is at least she didn't kill her like some other truly monster birth givers do. She could have done it a smarter way but again who knows what was going through her head

Flori... Floridamom96

What is all this crap? Of course you can judge her actions! You have a moral responsibility to judge these actions so that we can keep such things from continuing to happen. This child could very easily have been adopted by a loving couple. This act was selfish, not selfless.

Hyman Hyman

Bash me for my opinion, but I'm thankful she did that instead of harming the child by neglect or abuse

puasa... puasaurusrex

At least she didn't kill it or leave it out in the cold to die. Some people don't have the means to take care of their children and want to give them the best life possible. This baby will still be adopted by a loving family, and yes, she could have gone to a Safe Haven dropoff, but how do we know that she (or he) KNEW about those places? Not everyone does. Many people don't and don't know the laws regarding safe haven.

Venae Venae

My first answer is you put it up for adoption - but they have to have the father's blessing, too, right?  I have heard, and maybe it's not true, but you have to name the father.  If you don't want to, too bad.  So you can pretend you had a one-night stand and don't know who the father is - then you have to list every man you've been with so they can contact them and get DNA testing if necessary so the man can sign away his rights too.  Maybe the man decides he wants the baby - it's his too, right?

So don't give them up for adoption - drop them at a Save Haven - and the child bounces from foster home to foster home forever.

What a mess - easily avoided if there were only some thing that could prevent pregnancy - when will they ever invent something like that?


tuffy... tuffymama

Better to relinquish the child than to harm it or allow it to be neglected. I think, if a mother is unprepared for motherhood and her circumstances prevent her parenting the child fully, putting the child out of harm's way and dropping it at a safe place is the right thing to do. We are fraught with human frailty and two wrongs do not make a right. No need for a child to suffer its entire life because a mother who didn't want to or couldn't parent it fully was forced to care for it. That's a miserable and sometimes dangerous situation for a child. I know from whence I speak. This mother most likely did the right thing.

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