This may come as a shock to those of us with kids, but having children isn't the be-all, end-all of existence. Not everyone needs to have them. But if you ask Canadian writer Joe O'Connor, those couples who choose not to have babies are "selfish." It's laughable, really.
As a mom of two who spends a lot of time around other moms, I can honestly say not EVERYONE should be a mom. In fact, very often I would say MOST people shouldn't be parents. There are a whole host of reasons not to procreate and only one compelling one to do so: You want kids and you want to raise them.
It's simple. If that isn't you, do the world a favor and don't have kids. Not everyone is cut out for late nights with sick babies, screaming fits for hours on end, and all the less fun parts of parenthood. Good for them for knowing that.
As a mother I would never suggest that someone needs a baby to have their life be whole. If anything, I sometimes envy those who don't have kids. I wouldn't trade my kids now that I know them, but sometimes I have twinges where I wish I had been able to consider the childless life.
Those who can are lucky!
Being childless isn't being empty. It doesn't mean being unhappy or being bad in any way. It isn't selfish. If anything, it's unselfish. It's better for our world (for more reasons than the environment) to not procreate. Why does the world need a bunch of kids whose parents didn't want them? What good does that do anyone?
No. No one should be called "selfish" for making the right choice for them. My guess is O'Connor is just jealous and he can't admit it. Maybe it just looks like the childless are having that much more fun.
Do you think it's selfish not to have kids?
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Comments 27
" HOw can you be so selfish as to WANT your own kids, when kids that are already alive are going without love?...Funny how, to status-hungry women out there, the idea of actually caring for a real pre-existing kid doesn't appeal. THAT's selfish. SHame on you."
Faroq- are you serious? I don't know any woman who had a child because it was a "status" symbol. Human beings are animals. We procreate. Its the most natural thing in the world. Not everyone wants to adopt. If some folks want to adopt kids, that's great. But I don't feel any obligation to take care of kids that I didn't create. Do you not see why it would be a problem if only the addicts, crazies, criminals, dummies and the plain old irresponsible were the primary folks passing on their genes? Why don't you save your shaming for the a$$holes who brought many of those "pre-existing" children into the world due to irresponsibility, f*cked up ideologies and plain old ignorance. The parents who abandoned, abused or couldn't be bothered to take care of their own children. Because if those parents weren't so selfish, their children wouldn't be needing to be adopted. Shame on them.
i think its knowing what you want...not everyone should breed,and thats ok.
I wonder if Mr. O'Connor would say the same of a couple choosing not to have children due to one or both of them suffering from a mental illness that does not keep them from leading normal lives but would keep them from being good parents.
Cee - So would you think it is selfish of me to feel like maybe I shouldn't have kids due the fact that I'm dealing with severe depression, severe anxiety, ocd, adhd and that fact that even growing up with an autistic sister I still am severely lacking in patience? To me, it would be way more selfish for me to say oh screw the numerous mental problems I have, I want a kid so damnit I'm going to have one no matter that I probably can't handle one. The world is not black and white. Some people choose not to have children for unselfish reasons like knowing that they would make terrible parents. And no, not having children would not make me happy, it would make me terribly sad.
I didn't mean to come off as attacking so hopefully I didn't, this topic has just been weighing heavy on my mind as I am 26 and a lot of my friends are married and have or are having children and in my case, I think that having children would be the selfish choice.