I Don't Want Another Baby -- If It's a Boy

Mom Moment 106

newborn baby girlThe reasons I have an only child are many, and many of them are extremely personal. But with the debate swirling over the increasing number of parents who are playing around with gender selection so they can get that one baby girl or that one little boy they say they "need," I think it's time to open up a little.

We have a multimillion-dollar industry on our hands with people paying as much as $18,000 to ensure they get the "right" answer come sonogram time. I don't get it. And yet, I do. I've been there.

I have an only child because I couldn't guarantee a girl the second time.

When I got pregnant, it was with one thought and one thought only in mind: we wanted to have a baby. Any baby. Well, our baby, but still ... there was no grand plan for a boy or a girl. After five years of marriage, we'd simply decided it was time to make this a party of three. And after several months of trying, voila. Pregnant.

My husband wanted to know the sex of our baby. I didn't care. As it would turn out, we were met with a stubborn little baby in the ultrasound room (ah, her German heritage already kicking in). Crossed legs meant the sex was staying a secret. But my husband was convinced I was carrying a girl. My OB/GYN was convinced I was carrying a girl. 

Although I didn't tell anyone at the time, I knew it in my bones. I knew she was a she, but I worried that telling people would somehow ruin things if I was wrong. What if I gave birth to a boy and people were disappointed? I couldn't put that kind of pressure on a son. I really, truly, honestly did not feel like I would be disappointed with a son.

Then she arrived. Ten fingers. Ten toes. And no penis.

It felt meant to be, and as I spent more time mothering a daughter, I fell into a groove. I could do this! I had girl parts. She had girl parts. I knew how things were supposed to work. It was more complex than that, of course. There was something about being a woman with a female child that made me feel empowered, like it was my responsibility -- even more so than my husband's -- to teach this little person that girls can do anything they set their minds to.

It will sound like a cliche, but I felt like a piece of me that I never knew was missing had returned, and I was whole.

Naturally, when you have an infant, you start talking about the next one. Will there be a next one? Like I said, our reasons for stopping right there are many. Some are too personal for a blog. But I can't deny that the gender of our first played a big role. My baby changed my mind about parents wanting to pre-determine the gender of their baby.

We had the girl we didn't even know we wanted (well, I didn't know ... my husband always wanted a girl). If we were going to do it again, we'd want another girl. But nature doesn't work that way. There is no guarantee. My grandparents had five boys before finally getting girls.

I don't believe in gender selection on a personal level. I can't put my finger on why; it just feels wrong to me. So we decided to stop right there. We have just one child, the girl we wanted.

And yet, with the way I feel about my daughter, I have to admit I understand the moms and dads who "mess with nature" for one gender or the other. Some are cuckoo for cocoa puffs. But for some, it's really about finding that missing piece of themselves.

Do you have a hankering for one gender over the other? Did it come after you fell in love with your baby?

 

Image via Jeanne Sager

baby first year, bonding

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nonmember avatar kaerae

I get what you're saying, because I have boys and was in total "boy mode" and never wanted for a girl, but you are one of the more logical writers on this site, and you have to know that, realistically, you WOULD love and enjoy the uniqueness of any child you haad as much as you love your daughter. That being said, I think only children are generally great, mature, friendly and well-adjusted. So, whatever your reason, I think you'll be more than happy with your only!

nonmember avatar Michelle

I have no problem with people "preferring" a gender. What I DO have a problem with is people getting seriously disappointed when they "don't get what they want". This isn't Amazon.com....it's MOTHER NATURE. If you are seriously THAT immature that you didn't get your idyllic "one boy and one girl", frankly you don't deserve children.

dixie... dixiechick2

No, God blessed me with three healthy boys. I wouldn't change it for anything!

Heath... HeatherMazzone

I wanted a girl and was lucky enough to get one. I'm stopping with her. Idk but I have no desire to have a boy.

Flori... Floridamom96

I can't help but feel like the heavy feminization of this nation has led to this, parents not wanting boys. While it is much harder to raise boys (I have three and one girl) it is only that way because of anti-boy attitudes.

poshkat poshkat

I wanted a boy. I got my boy but only after being told the wrong gender at 20 weeks and than again the morning of him birth. I think people should appreciate what they get.

2many... 2manydiapers

I have had one daughter, who passed, and two boys, plus a stepson.



I don't get it, ya I want to try one more time for that girl, but if I have a boy I'll be happy.



Life is what matters, not gender.

SuzyB... SuzyBarno

I don't prefer one gender over the other. I have one of each and they are both unique and spirited in their own ways. But I will say that each time I found out the sex at 20 weeks I felt bittersweet. I was sad it wasnt one sex but happy it was the other.

we2an... we2angels

I get it. and I think it'spretty balanced in this country of parents who wants either genders. I can't imagine being a mom to a son at this stage and after two precious girls we are done, partially for the same reason

MIA0223 MIA0223

I wanted a girl the first time, got her.

And I wanted a boy this time, 2 sonograms confirm so far he is all boy.

If I have more I want boys! So much easier IMO! I had 2 brothers when I was 13 so I thought I knew what to expect from a baby, but DD threw me for a loop! Lol!

The drama is too much with her! An she is only 4. I don't think j can handle more than one teen girl!

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