There is a giant controversy dividing the parenting community. Big surprise, right? This time the subject of debate is at what age do you leave your newborn to go on vacation?
Rebecca Eckler decided it was a good time to take a vacation to Mexico and left her 10-week-old newborn son with her fiancé’s mother and the nanny. She wrote an article about her decision on Mommyish.com and received a lot of backlash from her readers.
This made me question myself. When did I first leave my girls overnight with someone other than my husband? My answer was when my second child was 3 years old; she is 5 now.
Why did I wait so long? I waited so long because I couldn't have left the girls with someone else because I would have freaked out. Not because they are not good caregivers but because I am totally overprotective. I didn't (I still don't really) trust anyone else to care for my child the way that I would, and I needed to know that they were old enough to convey their wants and needs to a caregiver.
All the worry and stress over leaving my children that first time wasn't really necessary. Once I let myself relax and realize they were happy and well taken care of by my in-laws, I had the best birthday celebration ever. Yes, my first time away was to go into the city and spend a night away with my husband in a bed that didn't have little people sleeping between us and kicking us in the head. We had a room where we could sleep in until we woke up. We went to a show and had a fancy grown-up dinner and went dancing with our closest friends.
By the time we returned home, I was happy to be back with my girls, but I am forever grateful for those 24 hours. I was also relieved to know that I could leave my children in someone else’s care if I needed or wanted to with the knowledge they would be perfectly taken care of and happy. Truthfully, I’m not even sure they missed us at all with all the fun activities that Grandma and Grandpa planned to keep them entertained.
I also wanted to kick myself for not doing it sooner. Moms need a break once in awhile. Those breaks, time away, to decompress can make us better mothers to our children. If we never leave or have time to ourselves, it becomes too much. Even if it’s just an overnight trip to a local hotel while your mom watches the kids, you need that time to just be you and not just someone’s Mommy. We all need a night to ourselves every now and again.
I don’t see what all the anger toward Ms. Eckler is about. Maybe it’s jealousy because, honestly, I kind of wish that I had the balls to take a trip to Mexico when my girls were smaller. Hell, I wish I had the balls to go away for a week without them now. Baby steps, my friends.
How old was your child the first time you left them overnight with a caregiver?
Image via SCA Svenska/Flickr
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Comments 161
When he was 8 weeks, the first night after I had surgery. After that about 7 or 8 months for an overnight at my in-laws, they live in town. My second was 6 months. My parents stayed with them so we could go out, and stay at a nice hotel, for our fifth wedding anniversary.
They were fine and my husband and I were fine. It wasn't hard, I trust my parents and the kids know and love them. I don't feel bad at all. We plan on leaving them with my parents again for a wedding in October. One will be two weeks shy of three, the other 9 months.
Our son was about 12 weeks when we left him alone with his nanny for a couple of days. I had ppd and needed time away, becausewe just weren't bonding, and going back to work after 5 weeks wasn't cutting it, and I was just losing my mind. So hubby and I went to DR so I could relax for a little bit and when we came back everything was infinitely 100x better, and things improved drastically after that. However even after that I never really had any problem leaving him with someone I trusted for a couple of days.
I would not have been able to do it when my boys were 10 weeks old. I would not have WANTED to do it when my boys were 10 weeks old even if I could. But that's Me and what felt right for ME has no bearing on this woman and her choices as a mother. She gets no judgement from me. If she feels fine about her decision and her baby is left in a safe environment, it's none of our beeswax, really.
I am jealous. I wish I could take take 24 hours in a hotel where I can sleep, take a bath, and eat food while hot. But if I took a trip I rather have my family with me to share in the fun. Oh also if I was in the hotel I could use the bathroom with the door close, 24 hours without hearing Cailou theme song.......