The older my daughter gets, the more I'm learning to relax. And the more I'm learning to relax, the easier it is to look back at her first few weeks with a new, clearer perspective. I definitely made some mistakes, and I definitely could have made things a lot easier -- for myself and for my baby.
With that said, here are 5 things I plan on doing differently with my next baby.
I'll stress less, enjoy more. The first few weeks with my newborn were rough. And I'm pretty positive I made them more rough by stressing out so much. Worrying about why my daughter was crying/not sleeping/not pooping/whatever didn't change anything. So, next time around, unless something is obviously wrong, I'm going to just try to enjoy my teeny newborn -- crying, not sleeping, and all. (Of course, this is easier said now that I'm [somewhat] well-rested.)
I won't compare myself to other mothers. Moms love giving advice. Sometimes it's helpful, sometimes it's not. I now know -- thanks to all the advice I've gotten -- that everybody does things differently. And that's okay, because everybody's babies are different. Just because someone else puts their baby on a schedule doesn't mean you have to. If you try it and it works, great! If not, feed/sleep/whatever on demand -- and be confident that you're making the right decision. (Your baby will be your guide!)
I won't be so concerned with getting everything on camera. Of course I'm happy that I have tons of pictures of my daughter's first bath, but hey, guess what? If I had pictures of her second bath instead, which was days later, who cares? My husband and I were so concerned with capturing everything with the camera that we weren't 100 percent engaged in the moment.
I'll feel less guilty. At least, I'll try. My in-laws came into town when my daughter was 3 weeks old, and one day, they kindly offered to watch her for an hour while I enjoyed a pedicure. Yeah, there wasn't a ton of enjoying going on. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a nice experience, but the entire time I kept looking at my watch, wondering when I'd be able to get back home. I didn't even stay for the "drying portion" where you read an Us Weekly and zone out.
I'll ask for/accept help. Everybody wants to help when you have a baby, so why not take them up on it? And why not be specific? If a friend wonders if there's anything she can do to help, and you need milk, ask her to pick some up for you! It'll make your life easier, and it won't bother them in the slightest. Think about it: Would it bother you?
What did you do differently with your second baby?
Image via Nicole Fabian-Weber
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Comments 19
Ill join le leche leage... Granted if what happens with the next baby that happened with the first 2 it probably won't make much of a differance, but Ill gain some good skills and make some new friends. All of which makes it worth it.
With my second one I didn't worry about the small things that much. My husband complains all the time that i let our second do stuff that I wouldn't let my first do. But I was worried more about milestones and development. My oldest has a mild form of Autism so I was always looking for signs in my second. I had her evaluated by a team of professionals when she was 9 months and they came back with a clean bill of health, so I lessened up with the stressing but it's always in the back of my mind. She's 19 months now and so far i see nothing that would point that way.....but like i said it's always in the back of my mind.
I will worry less about letting my husband sleep. He hates for babies to cry, so when my daughter was a baby, I sprung up as soon as she started crying, and I would stay awake for hours with her while my husband laid nicely in dream land. It pissed me off really bad, until she was finally about 9 months old and he said "Why dont you just let her lay in bed with us?" WHAT!?! All this time I was trying to be super mom, and protect her, and stressing out, when I could have been sharing the load with him.
Im also going to worry less about people seeing me breast feed. We are very social people, and out all the time. I always supplemented with formula, even when she was days old, and I never really had a good supply because of that. But I learned more after I finally dried up, then I did before I had her, so I can apply those skills with my next one
With the second one, you'll know many things you totally ignored before. You'll know they won't brake, or get a terrible rash if their daipers are wet for a few minutes, can wait an extra second to be fed, that it does not matter if they have baby food stains on their shirts.
Not much. I was relaxed with my first. I really don't understand why so many moms are so worried and freaked out.