In the tenth and final episode of the CafeMom Studios mini-documentary webseries, "It's Cancer, Baby", I talk about one of the things that scared me the most: finding out the results of my post-treatment testing.
This episode was filmed the week after Mother's Day, about a month before I finished my scheduled treatments. The producer and film crew went with me with what was originally to have been my last treatment, but I had just learned that my treatment was being extended. I was tired, and really starting to feel more of the side effects of chemo. On top of this, I had just learned that a fellow cancer sojourner, a mom with two young children, had succumbed to cancer.
The previous Sunday, she had posted photos of herself with her two young ones. By Thursday, she was dead. I was angry and sad. And I was scared.
In the early days after my diagnosis, I did not want to hear any stories about cancer unless they had a happy ending. As the months went by, I became hungry for all kinds of information: the good, the bad and the ugly. I just wanted to know what was real and what was true. I did not want any surprises.
And that is still the case. Even though I now have more information about the effect of chemo on my cancer, I have not yet been able breathe a sigh of relief.
I'm wondering if any of us ever does?
I am, however, grateful for each day that I have ... every day is such a gift.
I hope that never changes.
Image of magnolia blossom via Mark Montgomery