Top 5 Ways New Parents Annoy Their Childless Friends

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nicole fabian-weberHey, guess what? Nobody gives a shit about your baby! Kidding! Kind of! Not really. There are some people, other than you, who care about your children. They're called family members and other people with kids. The rest? Mmm, save for a select few, not so much. And although I should have known this, being a person who, just a short time ago, didn't have a baby, I sort of just consciously realized this recently ... when I saw the glazed eyes of others when I showed them photos of my daughter on my phone.

In case you haven't heard, parents can be annoying to non-parents. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be annoying. I still have friends who don't have children -- people I like -- and I'd like to keep them that way: As friends. So, here are 5 surefire ways not become, you know, that parent.

Don't constantly show off photos of your kid. Before I had a baby, I pretty much thought every baby looked alike. There really wasn't much discerning one 4-month-old from another. But now that I have a daughter of my own, of course I think she's great and unique and exceptionally cute. Other people don't though. Most likely, to people without children, she looks like every other newborn they've seen, so they're really not that interested.  

Don't talk baby talk on the phone in front of them. To be honest, I'm kind of against doing this in front of anyone -- with kids or without. When you're alone, it's one thing, but I don't know, I'd feel self-conscious saying Hi baby girl! Hi baby girl! over and over in a high-pitched squeal in front of others. Would I do it when I'm alone? Um, correct.

Go out without your children once in a while. On the rare occasions that my husband and I can get a night out with friends, we do not bring our daughter. Why? The answer is three-fold. One, it's nice to have a little bit of time to ourselves. Two, I am not messing up my baby's sleep schedule. And three, our friends want to hang out with us, not our baby. When you think about it, it's actually kind of flattering.

Don't constantly bring up your baby. Guess what? This morning, I left my daughter on her playmat on her back for a minute, and when I returned, she was on her belly! Kewl, right? Yeah, people who've never had a baby aren't all impressed with something like this. Honestly, it's been my experience that it's just best to not bring these kinds of things up to people who you know don't care. It will annoy them, and then in turn annoy you. (And seriously, can you blame them? Do you really care to hear a play-by-play of their night out? Same diff.)

Don't say, "You'll understand when you're a parent." Look, being a mom is hard. Really hard. No words of wisdom could have ever prepared me for what I was in for. But it's kind of condescending to say, "You'll understand when you're a mom/dad" to someone without kids. You're basically saying, "I have a certain wisdom you so don't yet possess." Trust me, I was on the receiving end of such statements, and it wasn't very fun. 

Do you still hang out with your friends with kids/friends without kids? What other things can you think of that might annoy people without children?


Image via Nicole Fabian-Weber

newborns, post-birth outings


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Stink... Stinkydog

eh, you know what? I don't worry so much about not annoying my friends without children. If they're a big enough asshole that I can't show a picture of my kid without it threatening our friendship,  it's probably best for us to just let that relationship fritter off and die..  If you have a truly healthy friendship with someone, they can simply tell you if something you're doing is annoying and you adjust accordingly and vice versa--anything else is bullshit.

nonmember avatar Kaycee

As much as my childless friends might not like hearing about my kids, I also get sick of seeing 20 pics of them at this club, or that party, drinking. Those all look the same to me. It's getting really old hearing how annoying we parents are. I feel like I have to defend myself for making the choice to reproduce these days...

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

It's never offended me when people say I can't understand something because I haven't experienced it. I've never had cancer so I don't completely understand what it's like. I can think about times I've seriously ill or how I felt when friends or family have been diagnosed but it's not the same. It's like baby sitting or having nieces or nephews but no kids of your own; you can figure out how you might feel but unless you actually experience having your own kids you really have no idea.

Misty... Misty.Dawn

yeah, if seeing pictures or hearing about my kids makes my childless friends annoyed with me, obviously they arent really friends. My friends were happy & wanted to know all about my son. What he was eating, his milestones, the new adorable outfit i just got for him...bcus real friends are actually happy about u being excited & want to know whats going on in ur life. And the last one-"you'll understand when you have kids"....i have no idea why this would offend anyone. Just like RhondaVeggie said, you dont REALLY know something until youve experienced it firsthand. My childless uncle was trying to give me advice about something dealing with my son. He was basically saying "youre doing it wrong" & i told him.."you will understand when you have kids" his response to this was that he had neices/nephews & plenty of friends around him that have had kids & he saw what they did right/wrong. Um, NO! Sorry, Not the same thing.

nonmember avatar Emily

Before having kids I found the "you'll understand when you're a parent" comment very hurtful. And I still think it's rude. Not as rude as criticizing someone else's parenting, but it's snotty and condescending. Granted, all the other points in this article are based on the fact that, no, a non-parent cannot understand what a parent feels. But it's not cool to say so. My friend used to say this all the time and it drove me crazy.

NewMo... NewMomma.S

I don't show my friends pictures of my baby randomly because I was one of those people who's eyes glazed over. It's got to be pretty special like her faces when I gave her oatmeal for the first time. I cared about my friends kids before I had a baby, but not really, so I figure it's the same with other people lol

teddy... teddysmama09

since when did people start hating children so much? In my circle of friends my children are often the topic of conversation, and its usually not me bringing them up. But then, I don't surround myself with self absorbed jerks.

nonmember avatar chris

WOW! I did not realize I was a self absorbed jerk. I really don't want to hear hours and hours of what your child did today. Moderation is the key. I think this is not a finger pointing article. Just realize what it is like to be on the other side.

nonmember avatar EmeraldsMom

I distreet, you shouldn't be so concerned about what your friends think of you, there is nothing wrong with being proud of your kids, and if they were your real friends they'd be proud too. Maybe you need to get some new friends.

nonmember avatar zizzler

My best friend openly HATES kids, especially babies, and does crazy work with infectious diseases in Africa. I don't give a crap about diseases in Africa, but I sure do listen to him talk about it for hours on end, because it's important to him, and he's important to me. And since he's not an ego centric brat, he also asks about my kids.

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