Boy, if I had a dime for every time I left my young children on their own for hours on end so I could head to a neighbor's house in order to have some some adulterous sex ... well, I'd be BROKE, because oh my god are you kidding no one really does that, right?

Wrong. A Florida mom named Crystal Rusaw was arrested last weekend for doing exactly that, and as bad as the story already sounds -- believe me, it gets worse.

Florida police say Rusaw, 24, left her three little kids -- 4, 3, and 10 months old -- alone so she could sneak over to the neighbor's house for some NC-17 action. While Rusaw was enjoying a post-coital nap, the kids apparently got tired of waiting for her. They wandered away from the house, up the street, and crossed a busy highway before a witness called the cops.

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The baby, whose diaper was soaked when they were discovered, was being carried by the 4-year-old as they dodged traffic.

Okay, I don't know about you, but I'm having a mini heart attack just thinking about this. The oldest kid is FOUR and they're out on their own wandering on a highway? God, I can't even herd my own kids through a parking lot without freaking that they'll walk in front of a car -- and that's with bug-eyed supervision on my part.

Oh, and here's a final eyebrow-raising detail for you: Rusaw has (had?) a boyfriend who didn't even know what had happened until a reporter called him. He's been out of town for a week. Surprise!

Check out a news clip on this unbelievable story:


You know how sometimes you hear about some awful parenting mishap and you tell yourself not to judge because everyone makes mistakes and accidents can happen to anyone? Yeah, I am totally judging this woman. BIG. TIME.

Do you think there's any reasonable explanation for what this woman did?

Image via Arrests.org