One of the things moms quickly learn when they have a baby is that it's a mom eat mom world out there. This shouldn't come as a surprise. Women are awful to one another in many spheres. Sure, they can also be kind and wonderful, but they can also be passive aggressive shrews who say mean things because they are insecure and who generally make life a living hell for other women.
Yep, the means girls just keep on coming well after middle school has ended and they keep on coming in motherhood. And it's not like working moms get it more than stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home moms get it worse than working moms. This is some equal opportunity sanctimony and meanness, people.
Here are 8 mean things other moms say they have heard that rankled them the worst:
- I am a "Full Time Mom": Yep, so am I. With a full-time job, too. It's crazy, I don't have much time to chat.
- I stay home so I can raise my own kids: Wait, is a nanny raising our kids an option? Because sign me up! I would gladly let a nanny handle the unsavory parts of childcare, but guess what? Unless you have Oprah money, it's not happening. We are ALL raising our own kids.
- What do you DO all day?: I was a stay-at-home mom for three years, and trust me, they do everything. They plan activities and act as chauffeur, they do laundry and make dinner/lunch/snack. They break up fights and read to children. They comfort children and clean the kitchen. A better question: How do you manage to get it all done in one day?
- I just wouldn't want to waste my education like that: I am currently reading Motherland by Amy Sohn, and much as I love it, I had to say ouch when this line came up: "I knew I had to go back to work when I started being described at parties as 'a witty Facebooker.'" Dang. That's cold. It's not a "waste" to raise the next generation of human beings. If anything, it's the most challenging job on the planet.
- Aw, it's too bad your baby has to go to daycare: Actually, many babies thrive in daycare and there is no need to feel sorry for anyone else. Some people WANT to work.
- I had my baby naturally: Hmmm ... Unless my baby popped out of a mylar balloon after gestating for only three months, I am pretty sure we all have our babies "naturally."
- I was a stay-at-home mom, but I missed using my brain: Isn't there a nicer way to phrase that? Try again.
- I don't know how you travel without your kids, don't you miss them?: Honey, I don't know how you DON'T? Of course I miss them, but they also like relaxed mommy better than I am strung so tightyoucouldplayme mommy any day.
Look, we are not dumb. These are catty swipes, passive aggressive comments designed to get our goat and you know what? They are working. I am angry, you are angry, we are all angry. But the fact is, anyone who says things like this is covering up massive insecurity with bravado. No one has all the answers all the time. Any woman who makes comments like these is not worth befriending.
When someone says something like that to me, I usually laugh it off and think how blessed and lucky I am to not be that miserable in my own life. Let it roll off our backs, ladies. The mean ones don't matter.
Has anyone said any of these to you? What was the rudest?
Image via Foamzy/Flickr
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Comments 88
When people make nasty comments...I just chalk it up to them being jealous and needing to make themselves feel better.
my 2.5 year old is a only child with no many other kids around him. I put him in daycare so he can build his social skills. He can be around other kids his ages. He was talking better when he was around kids his age. Daycare can be a good environment as long as a parent researches the daycare.
Most of these comments piss me off. Nothing I dislike worse than snobby moments and their useless comments. I have to agree with many others who have comment. Many of the Authors and the people commenting on this side have made this comments. Especially if they don't agree with it. Very sad.
You never read any of the comments that take place in groups on Cafemom do you? There have been way worse things said to mothers from mothers in them.
And those who natural birth thing is utter BS. Look I don't care how the world sees it. I had my child naturally, he came out of me. Doesn't matter if I was drugs or now. I dont even care if someone had a C-section, those babies still came out of their mother. So people on their "Natural" need to get off their HIGH horses and chill.
Being a mom doesn't make a woman an instant saint. A catty woman will be a catty mom. I have heard most of those comments but not necessarily directed towards me. I've heard them in movies, on TV, in books, magazine articles and talking to mothers that have said they have heard them first hand. I used to wonder some of them too before I had kids (although I kept my mouth shut thankfully LOL). If we all made exactly the same choice then the world would be regimented and probably boring. Some mothers have to work, some need to. Trust me, if I didn't need to then I wouldn't but thats probably the laziness coming out in me. Some can afford to stay home, others make huge sacrifices in order to do so. None of the choices are wrong nor should women be questioned for her choices but humans will often act well human and be mean. I try to let such things roll off me.
I have heard these comments and may have even used one or two of them, but in no way was I being catty. These lines are cliches. They pop in our head quickly when having idle conversation. I dont think these inane comments are passive aggressive attempts at putting others down. Stop being so suspicious.
My favorite is people who judge how many children you have. We only have one, both by choice and because it took us several years to get pregnant the first time. I have had people say that they feel sorry for my child because she won't grow up with a sibling, and <wink wink> hope I don't become a helicopter parent like most parents of only children. We should just all be thankful that we live in a society where we have choices...SAHM, Working mom, 1 child, multiple children, married parents, single moms (some do it by choice). The main thing is we're ALL moms, and life is so much better when we all work together and support each other.
And I dunno why so many people believe only children are miserable and spoiled. I was anything but.... It's all in how you are raised and how much imagination you have, really. I never found myself bored and my parents were more than happy to play games with me. We are all so close because of it. I understood they were my disciplinarians first and foremost, but they were also my best friends. I could go to them with anything and I came out perfectly fine. :D
Let's be fair here. The term "Natural Child Birth" is an official term, meaning vaginal birth with no drugs of any kind. That is not an offensive term, it is a technical one. I say I had a "home birth" because it encompasses the implications of vaginal, natural and without any major medical intervention. I have friends who would say "vaginal birth" because they had an epidural, but still delivered vaginally. Why is it offensive to hear a specific truth? "Natural" is the ONLY term we COULD use...because anything else sets a reverse standard! "Un-medicated", "Non-medical"...I mean...natural child birth is the human standard...just like breast milk is the human milk standard and intact is the human penis standard. Anything else is a step away from how we are born or born to function. Those are scientific facts...not judgements...but if you see them as judgments, then maybe YOU are the one with something to re-evaluate. Yes, a human being grew and come out of your body...that makes you a mother. We can agree, we are all mothers! YAY! Isn't that enough?