One of the things moms quickly learn when they have a baby is that it's a mom eat mom world out there. This shouldn't come as a surprise. Women are awful to one another in many spheres. Sure, they can also be kind and wonderful, but they can also be passive aggressive shrews who say mean things because they are insecure and who generally make life a living hell for other women.
Yep, the means girls just keep on coming well after middle school has ended and they keep on coming in motherhood. And it's not like working moms get it more than stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home moms get it worse than working moms. This is some equal opportunity sanctimony and meanness, people.
Here are 8 mean things other moms say they have heard that rankled them the worst:
- I am a "Full Time Mom": Yep, so am I. With a full-time job, too. It's crazy, I don't have much time to chat.
- I stay home so I can raise my own kids: Wait, is a nanny raising our kids an option? Because sign me up! I would gladly let a nanny handle the unsavory parts of childcare, but guess what? Unless you have Oprah money, it's not happening. We are ALL raising our own kids.
- What do you DO all day?: I was a stay-at-home mom for three years, and trust me, they do everything. They plan activities and act as chauffeur, they do laundry and make dinner/lunch/snack. They break up fights and read to children. They comfort children and clean the kitchen. A better question: How do you manage to get it all done in one day?
- I just wouldn't want to waste my education like that: I am currently reading Motherland by Amy Sohn, and much as I love it, I had to say ouch when this line came up: "I knew I had to go back to work when I started being described at parties as 'a witty Facebooker.'" Dang. That's cold. It's not a "waste" to raise the next generation of human beings. If anything, it's the most challenging job on the planet.
- Aw, it's too bad your baby has to go to daycare: Actually, many babies thrive in daycare and there is no need to feel sorry for anyone else. Some people WANT to work.
- I had my baby naturally: Hmmm ... Unless my baby popped out of a mylar balloon after gestating for only three months, I am pretty sure we all have our babies "naturally."
- I was a stay-at-home mom, but I missed using my brain: Isn't there a nicer way to phrase that? Try again.
- I don't know how you travel without your kids, don't you miss them?: Honey, I don't know how you DON'T? Of course I miss them, but they also like relaxed mommy better than I am strung so tightyoucouldplayme mommy any day.
Look, we are not dumb. These are catty swipes, passive aggressive comments designed to get our goat and you know what? They are working. I am angry, you are angry, we are all angry. But the fact is, anyone who says things like this is covering up massive insecurity with bravado. No one has all the answers all the time. Any woman who makes comments like these is not worth befriending.
When someone says something like that to me, I usually laugh it off and think how blessed and lucky I am to not be that miserable in my own life. Let it roll off our backs, ladies. The mean ones don't matter.
Has anyone said any of these to you? What was the rudest?
Image via Foamzy/Flickr
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Comments 88
I admire SAHM, hard job!! I mean, I work and then come home to do all that I can to engage in my mom role, and it is not always easy. So, it is hard both ways. You never please anyone, so don't even try, do what is best for your family and all will be perfect.
RhondaVeggie, I find that funny coming from you, who takes every opportunity to point out how horrible daycare is and how terrible working mothers are as other people "raise our children." You can join the author in taking a good long look in the mirror as well.
And as a longtime reader of Sasha's I don't remember her specifically stating that "public schools sucked" but she may have said something along the lines of for where they live a private school may be a better choice for her and her family not anyone elses.
LovinJerseyMama, I don't think you were judging or being unkind. I think you were trying to express why you made the choice you made and how much you love your choice. I think you also have a hard time understanding why someone would a different choice when you find your choice brings you so much joy. I don't think there was any judgement in that.
Runnergirl888- yah... I'm with you on this one.
Floridamom, the reason I said it was judging is because of the last line at the end. It read as if that is the only way to be a good mother. As I said, if that is what has worked for her and her family that is absolutely wonderful but I have made different choices and I feel that I am also a good mother. And in my opinion, having some time to myself and some away time is part of what allows me to be a good mother. We all have different paths and methods and as long as it works for us and our families then we are being good mothers. That is all I was pointing out.