8 Meanest Things Moms Say to Each Other

Rant 88

Catty momsOne of the things moms quickly learn when they have a baby is that it's a mom eat mom world out there. This shouldn't come as a surprise. Women are awful to one another in many spheres. Sure, they can also be kind and wonderful, but they can also be passive aggressive shrews who say mean things because they are insecure and who generally make life a living hell for other women. 

Yep, the means girls just keep on coming well after middle school has ended and they keep on coming in motherhood. And it's not like working moms get it more than stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home moms get it worse than working moms. This is some equal opportunity sanctimony and meanness, people.

Here are 8 mean things other moms say they have heard that rankled them the worst:

  • I am a "Full Time Mom": Yep, so am I. With a full-time job, too. It's crazy, I don't have much time to chat.
  • I stay home so I can raise my own kids: Wait, is a nanny raising our kids an option? Because sign me up! I would gladly let a nanny handle the unsavory parts of childcare, but guess what? Unless you have Oprah money, it's not happening. We are ALL raising our own kids.
  • What do you DO all day?: I was a stay-at-home mom for three years, and trust me, they do everything. They plan activities and act as chauffeur, they do laundry and make dinner/lunch/snack. They break up fights and read to children. They comfort children and clean the kitchen. A better question: How do you manage to get it all done in one day?
  • I just wouldn't want to waste my education like that: I am currently reading Motherland by Amy Sohn, and much as I love it, I had to say ouch when this line came up: "I knew I had to go back to work when I started being described at parties as 'a witty Facebooker.'" Dang. That's cold. It's not a "waste" to raise the next generation of human beings. If anything, it's the most challenging job on the planet.
  • Aw, it's too bad your baby has to go to daycare: Actually, many babies thrive in daycare and there is no need to feel sorry for anyone else. Some people WANT to work.
  • I had my baby naturally: Hmmm ... Unless my baby popped out of a mylar balloon after gestating for only three months, I am pretty sure we all have our babies "naturally."
  • I was a stay-at-home mom, but I missed using my brain: Isn't there a nicer way to phrase that? Try again.
  • I don't know how you travel without your kids, don't you miss them?: Honey, I don't know how you DON'T? Of course I miss them, but they also like relaxed mommy better than I am strung so tightyoucouldplayme mommy any day.

Look, we are not dumb. These are catty swipes, passive aggressive comments designed to get our goat and you know what? They are working. I am angry, you are angry, we are all angry. But the fact is, anyone who says things like this is covering up massive insecurity with bravado. No one has all the answers all the time. Any woman who makes comments like these is not worth befriending.

When someone says something like that to me, I usually laugh it off and think how blessed and lucky I am to not be that miserable in my own life. Let it roll off our backs, ladies. The mean ones don't matter.

Has anyone said any of these to you? What was the rudest?


Image via Foamzy/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Shannon

Women who make these comments are only doing it because they're insecure and they want to validate their own choices. Secure people do their own thing and don't judge others for doing it differently.

Flori... Floridamom96

Hm, I can think of far meaner things moms say to each other. Like, "I hope you don't have kids." or "I feel sorry for your kids that you're their mother." both of which have been said to many mothers here on this site. If these are the meanest things you've heard then that's awesome. You haven't been as exposed to women's meanness as I have.

jalaz77 jalaz77

Not to my face but man have I heard most of these on The Stir because it is so easy to hide behind a computer and bash eachother virtually. Most of those women don't have a spine to say that to another mothers face cause karma will win. 

Lovin... LovinJerseyMama

I haven't had to really defend myself from catty comments. I HAVE had to defend myself as a GOOD mother because I believe my time and money should be spent on my children and not partying/drinking/doing drugs. I have told people on countless occasions, I didn't become a mother to still act childless. I love being a mom. And some people don't understand that that means sacrificing your time. I'd honestly rather be at home, sitting with my family for dinner then out at some restaurant without them. I would rather go to bed early then stay out late partying and be miserable the next day and my kids deal with the aftermath. I enjoy taking them to the parks, beaches and play dates. I dont enjoy defending myself from people who don't understand that I want (and enjoy!) to spend time with my kids. Catty comments, not so much. Defending my choice to be a good mom, all the time lol.

Ankles Ankles

The last one. I need a break from my kids. I love them, I would do anything for them but to be a good mom I need "me" time and yes sometimes that means going away over night (or several). This does not make me less of a parent thsn you nor mean I don't love my kids any less then you do. If you don't need that break then kudos to you, it doesn't put you on any pedestal of parenthood.

NatAndCo NatAndCo

I still just don't understand the daycare comment. They learn have fun, learn new things, most importantly social skills, and it helps them prepare for school. How could this be wrong?

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I'm a SAHM and I've heard "What do you DO all day?", alot. Especially when my daughter started school. I never dignify it with an answer but rather a look of "Are you fucking kidding me?". And its not like I treat myself like some martyr for my family either. I respect women who can handle a full time job, marriage, a house AND kids. I honestly dont know how some of them do it and its great that they can..

pezch... pezcharlotte

LovinJersey, there is some real judging going on in your comment. (or at least the way I am reading it)I think it is great that your system and what you do works well for you.  However, your situation is not the only way to be a good mom. I love my daughter dearly but I think it is very important (in my case) to have some alone time, either by myself or with my husband which may include going out to dinner or having a nice glass of wine while out.  But then again, I am also a full time working mother whose daughter is in day care (which she absolutely loves by the way).  I also am a working mother who respects stay at home parents.

nonmember avatar sarah

Most of the mean, judgy stuff I've experienced I've seen on the Stir... stuff like Greedy Moms shouldnt't have second showers and Selective IVF is wrong. It's sad.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

And we've all heard several comments like that coming from you and worse. I particularly enjoyed the rant about how public schools aren't good enough for your kid and the implication that any parent who uses public schools just sucks. If you're going to rant about sanctimommies you really should take a good long look in the mirror first.

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