6 Most Unbelievable Lies New Moms Tell

by Jeanne Sager August 6, 2012 at 3:19 PM

lies I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I knew new moms lie. And now there's a survey to prove it.

In this case, at least a third of the more than 11,000 moms who talked to Netmums admitted they will lie about how well their babies are sleeping. It seems they feel so much pressure to put on the face of being a good mom with a wonderful baby, so they fake it.

Now, I'm going to be completely truthful here: I'm glad to hear moms admit they make stuff up. No one wants to feel like they're the only one who isn't having a perfect time being a mom. It's easier knowing moms like about how great it is.

And just in case you aren't sure what I'm talking about, let's look at some of the other lies moms tell (that I don't believe for a second):

1. Of course I shower every day: Yeah, sure you do. If by shower you mean "grabs some extra baby wipes and rubs them over the armpits then applies extra deodorant." It's OK to skip a shower now and then. Heck, I have a 7-year-old, and I am still sometimes just so busy it doesn't happen.

2. My baby never, ever cries, unless he's hungry: Never? Ever? Don't you worry about him?

3. I love absolutely everything about being a mother: Even the projectile vomit and the poop under your fingernails? Because I didn't love them.

4. I didn't have to work out or diet. The baby weight just melted away: Uh huh. And I have magical fairies who live in my dresser drawer and fart rose petals so that everything will smell better.

5. I wash everything the baby throws on the floor before she gets it back because of the germs: Wow. What a way to waste water.

6. My baby has never sat in a soiled diaper for more than a few seconds: Daaaang, you must have some amazing spidey senses. You can sense a wet diaper from your room in a dead sleep in the middle of the night before your baby has even noticed.

What do you hear other moms say that makes you roll your eyes and think, "Yeah, right!"?

Image via renaissancechambra/Flickr

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jeanne Sager

writes articles for The Stir by day, slays closet monsters and bounds through bedtime stories with her elementary schooler by night. The Phineas and Ferb soundtrack reverberates through her brain.

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Comments 92

Facebook comment from Sandra Kay De Vault

August 9, 2012 at 3:34 AM

LMAO!!! I KNOW!!! I hear women all the time say that they have to change their baby the SECOND their diaper is soiled, like they're going to drop what ever it is to go change them instead of finishing up what ever few mintues it would take to finish what they were doing!

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Facebook comment from Samyra Bell

August 12, 2012 at 2:39 AM

i wash really blessed.by the time my baby was 3 1/2 mos I was less than prebaby weight (and my DR was alarmed). I could take a shower but it couldn't be longer than 20 minutes and she had to be in the swing. I did lie abou the crying. I was so compulsive about the toys that in the first 2 mos I kept boiling things every week. I ended up ruining some toys. I won't be this over the top when I am blessed with a 2nd

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Facebook comment from Billie Terry

August 18, 2012 at 12:46 AM

I was an ideal weight when I conceived only to be 10 pounds under weight when the hospital weighed me two days later...extreme `morning sickness' the entire pregnancy. As for the other items, well...

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Nonmember comment from Rebecca Collins

October 5, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I didn't lie when I said I didn't diet. But, I had 4 kids in less than 4 years and never sat down, much less had time to eat. I actually got smaller and smaller after each baby, then of course put it back on when they got older.

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Nonmember comment from breanna

October 5, 2012 at 1:14 PM

There's another one I've heard. It was coming from a mother of a newborn, 1.5 year old, and 3 year old. She said "My house is ALWAYS clean because the kids always pick up after themselves." Having been to her house and even living there for a few months, I knew she was lying. Didn't call her out though, because that's my sister.

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Nonmember comment from Mary

October 5, 2012 at 3:43 PM

#6 probably refers to poopy diapers. I can honelsty say that my child never sat in a poopy diaper longer than necessary. Even if it meant stopping and buying a whole package of diapers and wipes because we were too far from home. Even if it meant changing her in the trunk and being forced to keep a used diaper in the car until we could toss it. Wet diapers are one thing, but poopy diapers should be changed the second the child poops, if not as soon as possible.

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Nonmember comment from BuDragon78

October 5, 2012 at 3:59 PM

I never said any of these because if I did, it would have been a lie with the exception of #4. I didn't work out or diet and I lost pretty much all of my baby weight within 3 months. Now with the last 5 lbs. I had to work out to lose that. Once I started working out, I actually went below my pre-pregnancy weight. I didn't work out very much before I had my son. So #4 isn't a lie for me. As for other ones, yeah, I would be lying if I said any of those. Shower everyday? HA! I was lucky if I brushed my teeth every single day.

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Facebook comment from Casey Compton

October 27, 2012 at 2:24 AM

I hate it when a new mom will say that they get all the exercise they need (and have lost all their baby weight) by chasing after their kids. I also hate to hear how someone lost all their baby weight simply by breastfeeding. I gained weight while breastfeeding.

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Facebook comment from Darlene Sullins

October 27, 2012 at 4:16 PM

Hey author- just because you stayed fat doesn't mean everybody does. Number 4 was true with my first child. Also, there's nothing wrong with washing stuff that lands on the floor before giving it back to the baby. Especially if you have pets.

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Facebook comment from Greer Phillips

October 29, 2012 at 7:57 AM

I couldn't lie about #4 because I gained 80 lbs and not a single pound of it "fell off"--not even the 8 lbs of baby or 15 lbs of pre-eclampsia fluid. I fought my ASS off for every pound I've lost--which, 2 1/2 years later, is only 67.

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