When I was a new mom, every single thing had to be perfect. I was the no medication at the birth, no TV EVER, breastfeeding until age 15, stay-at-home, sling wearing super mom I imagined I would be. This was true until my baby turned 18 months and I had a second baby. Then it became all about whatever made my life easier.
The fact is, I was happy both ways. I was happy as a mom who was entirely devoted to perfection the first year AND I was happy as a mom who chilled out a bit and took the "easy" way. Now that my kids are older, you can't even tell who had attachment, perfect mom and who had "do what you can" mom. So I say, do what makes you happy. Do what is "easier" and don't sweat it.
Writer Rhiana Maidenberg has a great piece on Huffington Post about moms who take the "easy road" and why that isn't always wrong. To celebrate those moms, I give you 7 shortcuts all new moms can and should take if they are feeling frazzled. See below:
- Buy the jarred food: Seriously, moms! There is no score card at the end of babyhood. If you puree 10,000 vegetables by the time your kid hits 12 months, you don't get a Gold Medal. You just get exhausted and frazzled and you have spent less time enjoying your kids. Go ahead, buy the jarred food. Go organic if you want and then you're free to play with your babe. Or read a book. Whatevs.
- Stop nursing: For me, nursing the second time was a breeze. I made it through 2.5 years without so much as a blocked duct. But the first time was HELL on Earth. My baby was slow to gain and I had every lactation consultant massaging my boobs, feeding me Fenugreek, and listening to me cry about pumping. I got through that year, but I learned one important thing about nursing: If it is making you miserable, for the LOVE OF GOD, STOP. It isn't worth it.
- Skip the park: As a mom to a 4-year-old and 5-year-old, I spend hours (and hours and hours) at the park each week. I always laugh with recognition when I see the overwrought new mom trying to cram her 3-month-old into the baby swing. You have plenty of time to spend at the park. Spend your time at home now while you can.
- Stroll or don't stroll: Baby carriers are great. So are strollers. Don't be bullied into defining how much you love your baby by how you transport them. Personally, I found the Ergo easier, but if you find the stroller easier, use that for goodness sake.
- Co-sleep: For many moms (like me), co-sleeping with your new baby is actually the lazy mom route. All I ever had to do to get my babies back to sleep was pop a boob in their mouth. Excellent! If it's not easier for you, then skip it. There is no prize for the best mommy.
- Skip baby classes: I did a ton of baby classes from Spanish to yoga to singing and massage. Some were good. They helped me network and make new friends. But some were just stressful and hard to get to on time. If it doesn't make sense, don't do it.
- Stop listening to the judgement: Insecure people love to tell you what you're doing wrong. Many new moms feel awful about themselves because other moms are "doing it better." Your only litmus test should be happy you, happy baby. If those are both in place, who cares what the Stepford mommies think?
Did you take any new mommy shortcuts?
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Comments 135
there is a ton of benefits to breastfeeding and not just for the baby for the mom to like losing the weight faster and obviously its cheaper than buying formula its free but if a woman doesnt breastfeed for whatever her reasons she is not any less of a mom than a bf'ing woman I tried to bf my daughter and by tried i mean I contacted lactation specialists nurses other moms I had more women touching my breasts in the first month of my dd life than I have had men in my entire life my nippes were bloody and cracking I tried lanolin or whatever that stuff is called it starts with an L my breasts became engorged the whole bf'ng thing was more painful then birth itself (which by the way i did naturally) my dd was losing weight she was fussy i was suffering from PPD I was one miserable momma when I finally gave up and allowed her to be fed formula I felt like the worst mom in the world I cried and cried my daughter is now 6 years old and perfectly happy and healthy and I look back and thing what a waste of energy and time and emotion when I could have just said ok I tried it didnt work at least she got the colustrum part and move on there are many challenges being a parent and although i do believe breastfeeding is important its certainly not worth the heartache I suffered. Every kid is different every mom is different and people should stop judging and start supporting.
Love this! I wanted to be super mom too. I planned to nurse her for at least 6 months or longer, make all of her baby food, etc. I only made it 1 month nursing and only 2 months making her food. It's sooo much harder than you imagine! We had terrible latch issues and after bawling my eyes out every time it didn't work, I just gave in and started formula. That was such a relief! I wasn't crying and she was a happy baby with a full tummy. Same with making her food. I spent so much time peeling, steaming, and storing food not to mention all the time cleaning up afterward. When instead I could just open a jar and feed her and be done in 10 minutes. She's still a health, happy baby in the end. I loved getting to spend more time with my baby. :o)
Wow. For all you mega pro- bfers out there, Is it really healther for me to kill my son because I wanted to breast feed? I still could bf if i wanted to, I'm still leaking, but I spent the 2 weeks in the hospital with him fighting for his life. I got the drs orders to formula feed. So who the hell are you to tell me that breast feeding is healther for my son?
They are saying co-sleeping with your baby is good now. That it makes your child feel secure and trusting towards its mother and therefore, you'll have a tighter bond. Same thing applies for wrapping your baby up close to you. Babies are meant to be swaddled, cuddled, and comforted by their mother. Anyone who believes babies should "cry it out" or sleep in their own bed away from mom is expecting too much from a baby!
Breastfeeding is definitely important and I do believe moms aren't trying hard enough in today's time. Only 22% of mothers are breastfeeding exclusively these days and that's a staggering number compared to 20 years ago! There is nothing wrong with formula feeding, but its proven that breastmilk is quite more advantageous for baby. I am not talking down to mothers who have chosen to formula feed instead of breastfeed. It is YOUR choice and no one else's business but you're own and I respect that. But I do feel women are only opting to formula feed because it's easier and I think it's terrible if you're not at least "trying". I know there are circumstances where hospitals keep babies and are formula feeding them, but all hope isn't lost! There are so many ways to work it out...like pumping! Don't ever give up too soon! Meet with a lactation consultant, they are very helpful and have MANY ideas!!! There isn't a problem that can't be dealt with somehow. Even if you are breastfeeding for a couple of weeks or months, at least your giving them something!! There are too many positives by breastfeeding to just simply give it up! Motherhood is all about sacrifice, and what's more rewarding than bonding with your baby while supplying them with proper nourishment that will benefit them all their life?!