I have to say, I love my baby and all, but I really miss my husband.
I miss being able to, as my husband would say, "get after it" any time the urge strikes.
I miss having the energy and stamina to stay up late with my husband, having marathon sexual encounters in various places throughout the house.
I miss being able to be as loud as we like when we are being amorous. (I would say "during our lovemaking" but that word has always skeeved me out for some reason.)
I miss having lazy mornings in bed with my husband.
Before I had a kid, I remember hearing people talk about how romance went out the window after the children arrived. How they no longer had the time or energy or privacy for sex. How at the end of a long day chasing after a young one, all they wanted to do was sleep.
I thought, "I'll never be one of those people ... sex will always be a priority for me."
Yeah, well.
Sex is definitely still a priority. And I think my husband is the hottest man on this planet (because he is). But I have to say that having a baby in the house can, without a doubt, cramp one's sexual style.
I know I'm probably stating the obvious here, especially to all of you veteran parents, but this is a new discovery for me ... one of the sacrifices of choosing to be a parent.
Our girl is only eight months old but she watches and observes everything. So unless we want her mimicking some of our sexual behavior with one of her innocent little Montessori classmates, we have to keep it in check when she's around. And we have to be relatively quiet when she's asleep. And we have to get up when she's ready to get up, no matter how early.
As a result, sex has become a valuable commodity in our house ... something we have to grab when we have the opportunity. And something I realize I took for granted pre-baby.
I also took for granted my healthy libido. And my pre-pregnancy/c-section body. Sex is no longer at the forefront of my brain ... many times, mommy stuff takes over. Or plain old exhaustion.
And my smooth, unscarred pre-pregnancy stomach? Let's just say skin doesn't quite bounce back at 44 the way I'm sure it does for younger moms.
Now it may sound like I'm complaining. I'm not, really. (Okay, maybe I am a little.) I wouldn't trade our little girl for anything in the world, and neither would my husband. We now just have to work a little harder to make time for us. This includes asking for help from friends and relatives; setting aside time for dates with each other and nights alone. (I never thought I'd be one of those people who scheduled a "date night" with their spouse. But now I get it.)
*Sigh*
I guess this is just part of growing up. I've always been a late bloomer, so why should this be any exception?
So, I want to hear from you moms (and dads). How do you keep that spark alive with a baby in the house?
Image via Brooke Kelly
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Comments 21
For us, the problem isn't having time--it's that the stitches from my daughter's delivery left me with scar tissue that made sex impossibly painful. We were still "active" into my eighth month of pregnancy, but my daughter is 10 months old, so you can do the math...... :( But I had surgery to correct it last week, and hopefully once I'm all healed (in another 4-6 weeks) we can start to get our groove on again! :)
I guess I am the odd woman out .. I was having great sex again about three weeks after my children was born and it has not slowed down any! I would call up my friends and tell them I want a nookie hour and they would come over, It was like five of us and we would rotate when each had their babies.
Everyone is different. Everyone has situations that can hinder or help their sex lives. I had my first at 19, and my libido wasn't really affected afterwards but I obviously was much more busy! My stomach skin didn't "bounce back" completely... but then again I didn't actively and consistently do sit-ups religiously. That might've made a difference. But anyway, this may only be temporary. Once she's older and has more of her own life (i.e. going off to playdates), you and your husband might have more opportunities then.
I had a 9-month-old when my husband and I first started dating, so it's kind of not an issue for us. We never got used to having sex whenever, wherever. In a lot of ways, I think having always had a child in our relationship/house has made our relationship more realistic; there wasn't much of a honeymoon period because we were always broke with a kid.
Also, don't assume that it was your age that prevented your stomach from bouncing back. Like nikolita87, I was 19 when my son was born and my stomach will always be stretched out and stretch-marked, much like about half my momfriends regardless of their ages. I think the idea that young moms automatically "bounce back" should be tossed out, because it's completely untrue.
My baby (11 1/2 months) had her first night at Grandma's and let me say... it was glorious! I felt like my hubby and I were newly married again! It was only a night and a day but still... Normally, we try to keep things crazy in the bedroom but most of the time it is 2xs a week. Of course, it doesn't help that #2 will be here in 3 months so the bump is in the way again. Still, we are happy. I think that's the important part! Are you happy?
-mom of 6 and full time tattoo tech