Sex After Baby: When Do You Have Time?

mark joanna montgomeryI have to say, I love my baby and all, but I really miss my husband.

I miss being able to, as my husband would say, "get after it" any time the urge strikes.

I miss having the energy and stamina to stay up late with my husband, having marathon sexual encounters in various places throughout the house.

I miss being able to be as loud as we like when we are being amorous. (I would say "during our lovemaking" but that word has always skeeved me out for some reason.) 

I miss having lazy mornings in bed with my husband.

Before I had a kid, I remember hearing people talk about how romance went out the window after the children arrived. How they no longer had the time or energy or privacy for sex. How at the end of a long day chasing after a young one, all they wanted to do was sleep.

I thought, "I'll never be one of those people ... sex will always be a priority for me."

Yeah, well.

Sex is definitely still a priority. And I think my husband is the hottest man on this planet (because he is). But I have to say that having a baby in the house can, without a doubt, cramp one's sexual style.

I know I'm probably stating the obvious here, especially to all of you veteran parents, but this is a new discovery for me ... one of the sacrifices of choosing to be a parent.

Our girl is only eight months old but she watches and observes everything. So unless we want her mimicking some of our sexual behavior with one of her innocent little Montessori classmates, we have to keep it in check when she's around. And we have to be relatively quiet when she's asleep. And we have to get up when she's ready to get up, no matter how early.

As a result, sex has become a valuable commodity in our house ... something we have to grab when we have the opportunity. And something I realize I took for granted pre-baby.

I also took for granted my healthy libido. And my pre-pregnancy/c-section body. Sex is no longer at the forefront of my brain ... many times, mommy stuff takes over. Or plain old exhaustion.

And my smooth, unscarred pre-pregnancy stomach? Let's just say skin doesn't quite bounce back at 44 the way I'm sure it does for younger moms.

Now it may sound like I'm complaining. I'm not, really. (Okay, maybe I am a little.) I wouldn't trade our little girl for anything in the world, and neither would my husband. We now just have to work a little harder to make time for us. This includes asking for help from friends and relatives; setting aside time for dates with each other and nights alone. (I never thought I'd be one of those people who scheduled a "date night" with their spouse. But now I get it.)


I guess this is just part of growing up. I've always been a late bloomer, so why should this be any exception?

So, I want to hear from you moms (and dads). How do you keep that spark alive with a baby in the house?

Image via Brooke Kelly


baby first year, time for mom, fathers, sex, marriage


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nonmember avatar Sirens

We have a two year old and roughly

sex 4 times a week. (Its not rough sex, that's just about my guess.)

Our secret? Idk, I've got no secret. We just enjoy sex with each other enough to want it frequently.

BusyM... BusyMom7789

I feel your pain.  I've been married for almost 6 years with two small children (5 and 3) and I miss my husband.  He works long hours 5 or 6 days a week so he leaves the house at 10 in the morning and doesn't come back till midnight.  By the time he comes home I'm tired and can barely stay up.  He usually only off on Wednesdays or Thursdays so it's hard to have a date night. What I do now is stay up no matter how tired I am at least 3 days a week and we will sit on the patio and listen to music or watch a movie.  It's no much but I take it.

nonmember avatar AK

I'm glad to know someone else hates that word!!! It ALWAYS makes me feel weird so I never say it. Haha. I'd rather say, "let's have sex." It might not be romantic, but it doesn't weird me out to say it.

nonmember avatar boxingmomma

Sex? What is that anymore? As a mommy, full time student with a full time job exhaustion wins out nearly all the time. Btw c-sections are pretty hard on younger mommies bodies too. My little one is 2 and one side of my tummy seems to be perminately stretched out. I hope you get your sexy back sooner than I have.

stace... stacey541

We didn't have a problem when our daughter was a baby ( I got pregnant again when she was 6 mo old lol) but now with a 4 year old and 2.5 year old the time is pretty hard to get. We make an effort to do it 1/2 times on the weekends but weekday lovin is pretty much nonexistant. By the time everyone is fed, bathed and in bed for good it is time for us to collapse into bed so we are not tired in the morning at work....

nonmember avatar Thesimpletruth

My husband and I have only had sex one time in 15 MONTHS. I hate it!!!! We have three kids and I'm exhausted, but the main reason is him. He just has zero interest.

irishk85 irishk85

My son is 9 months and settles around 9 so we make time and go to bed early a couple nights a week even if we are too tired its nice to lay and talk and cuddle, we never had a problem but I can really see how it'll become more difficult once I'm back at work full time and my boy is older.

aReal... aRealteenMother

Your body/skin doesn't bounce back when you're younger either.. :/


But as for sex, we get it on quite frequently. During her naps and sometimes a couple times after she goes to sleep.

Cari Dato

At our house, we have rules for the sake of mommy and daddy's love life. We have 4 children. They are 5 years, 3 years, 2 years, and 6 months old. They all go to bed at 8:30, and they are not allowed to get out of bed until daylight. After 9:00 is grown-up time!

Bruic... Bruickson

I miss morning sex....a lot. My daughter ends up in the bed at some point during the night (I swore I would never let her sleep in the bed with us unless she was sick, ha) so morning sex is out of the question. Most of the time we will put on a movie for her so we can sneak away. But it always ends up being a quickie. I think I'll be sending her to stay the night with her grandparents soon!

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