13 Things New Moms Will Never Say


nicole fabian-weberNow that I’m the proud new mom of a baby girl, I say a lot of things. Things I never thought I’d say. I hear sentences like “Who’s that pretty girl?!” in octaves much higher than my regular voice make their way out of my mouth about 200 times a day. And by no means does it stop there. Other words that I never imagined could be strung together leave my lips. And they’re always -- always -- spoken in a high-pitched, Muppet-esque tone. “I’m gonna get yooou!”

And then there are things that I don’t say now. Things that I can’t, for the life of me, ever fathom saying again. Things that seem like they’re from another life, long, long ago. Things that I’ve never uttered, and may very well never. And I don’t think I’m presumptuous in thinking I’m not alone. Here are 13 things you will never hear coming out of a new mom’s mouth.

"I can’t wait to sleep in.”

“Let’s go to the movies tonight.”

“See this Christmas bonus? Louboutins!”

“I love traveling light.”

“Speaking of light, how about this car seat!”

“I think I’m going to hang out at the spa for a bit after going for my massage.”

“I think I’m going to go for a massage.”

“I’m exhausted ... from the gym.”

“Yes, I’m going to Target, but no, I wasn’t planning on hitting up the baby section.”

“There isn’t a stitch of laundry to be done!”

“You have two extra tickets for that concert on Friday? Count us in!”

“Just between you and me ... I actually like washing bottles.”

“Ahh, dinnertime ... the most relaxing part of the day.”

Can you think of any things new moms definitely don't say?


Image via Nicole Fabian-Weber

baby first year


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nonmember avatar Melissa

Here's one a new mom will never say: Maternity leave? Most relaxing vacation I've ever taken!

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

Wow..that was the most wonderful 30 minute shower EVER!! 

kebates kebates

"You know what... I don't need anymore sleep, I got plenty last night"

nonmember avatar Miss

You seriously underestimate people.

And, FYI, I'm one those people who enjoyed sitting on a bar stool in front of the sink washing bottles at nap time. I found it to be relaxing to get to sit and do nothing yet be doing something. Also, I didn't want anyone else washing them because I was seriously paranoid about them not being clean enough. I'm still like that about any baby on my care and probably will be with my next.

Sweet... SweetPieMama24

I think this is hilarious. With my first, I was so delirious for a solid three months b/c he never slept during the night. 

^ Miss, you take it a little too seriously.... smile mini

Breann Nash

I can't wait to sleep in ... in 12 years when he's a teenager and all he does is sleep!

littl... littlebeanmom

LOL I also love the "I"m gonna get you!"  It's so funny because it's a sweet thing to say, but in reality is kinda a threat.  It's also funny when we say that we want to "eat them up!"  We mamas say funny stuff without even thinking about it.

MomLi... MomLily67

Miss, don't take it seriously!!! I think all  new and "repeat" moms have a switch that helps us adapt to our new role and activities. I too enjoyed those nap time to get some light house work done. 

Love "eating their toes", hahaha

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