6 Things I Said I'd Never Do as a Mom ... But Am Totally Doing

pink booties
Are those pink booties I see?
So, you know how before you have kids, you say you're going to do this thing, and definitely not do that thing after the baby's born, because it's so easy to say things when you don't have children? Yeah, well, that totally happened to me! In the months leading up to my daughter's birth, I had inadvertently made a list of things I would never, ever do as a mom. And then I had a baby!

Here are six things I said I'd never do as a mom, but -- well, you know the rest ...

Pink, plastic, and ugly. I'm a visual person. And I don't like ugly things in my vision. So, before my daughter made her debut, I had set up her nursery just so. Everything was crisp, white, and designed for what I envisioned a classy family to be. Cut to three months in, the "crisp" is rapidly declining, and things like gaudy disposable changing pads, and -- gasp! -- a bulky pink swing with flowers are increasing. Turns out, gaudy stuff is convenient. And inexpensive. And, hey, it also turns out that babies like bulky, gaudy, plastic shit. (Thankfully, though, the swing is a loaner and my daughter hates it. Man, I can't wait to get that thing out of sight.)

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I actually considered getting a "Baby on Board" sticker for my car. I haven't done it, but I seriously entertained the thought one day when I was driving from Brooklyn to my father's house in the suburbs. As if a little yellow sign would be the thing that would prevent idiots from driving like idiots.

I've given advice. Unsolicited. When I was pregnant -- and after I first had my baby -- I loathed unsolicited advice. I mean, who asked you anyway? But, I don't know, something inside me has felt compelled to drop the baby knowledge on a few friends who are currently expected as if I were Dr. Sears himself. Completely unprompted. I get it now, though. It's exciting to talk about babies when you just had one. But I'm going to try to shut up.

I've judged. I admit it. I've done the thing I hate more than anything, the thing that, under no circumstances, I was going to do after becoming a mom: I've quietly judged women with babies around my daughter's age in Target and in the supermarket. Why is she talking on her phone so loudly in front of her baby? Is she really going to buy that brand of baby wash? Psh, it's your kid's health ... I know. I suck. And I'm really making an effort to not take part in this obnoxious activity, even if I'm not saying anything out loud. What kind of example is that for my kid?

I've bragged. Truthfully, my husband has actually turned out to be the bigger offender of this than me, but I've definitely partaken, also. I cringed when I heard him tell someone, boastfully, that our daughter was in the 95 percentile for height. On the outside. On the inside, I was all, "That's right we have a tall baby!"

I've posted pictures on Facebook. I've tried to keep them to a minimum, as not to clog people's newsfeeds who could give a shit about babies, but I can't help it. She's just so cute!

What things did/do you do that you swore you never would?

 

Image via handmaidenbymaria/Flickr

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Haley Maya Unger

HA! I post photos of my kid all the time on FB, there was one time I got worried about privacy issues and took everything down and people got bummed. The friends I have like me sharing my daughter with them.

Mocha... MochaCocoaBean

FB is such a catch-22. Either you post too much or not enough. We have family on the other side of the state (that's Michigan, so it's a fair distance) so I post pictures so they can see. I try very hard not to brag, but when people bust out that their child crawled at 5 months or something similar, I always go to my fall back: my son slept through the night (10+ hours) at 2.5 months.

Misty... Misty.Dawn

i said id never use one of those backpack things the kid wears with the strap attached for me to hold on to. I said "it a kid, not a dog!! Im not putting my kid on a LEASH!" lmao someone gave me one & i used the hell out of it lol

nonmember avatar Meredith

Welcome back, Nicole!! Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl... Does she have a name???? ; )

nonmember avatar Emily

I find the judging thing pretty assholish, and I'm glad you called yourself on it, that's not easy to do. But it NEEDS to stop. I work very hard not to judge people, but to understand where they are coming from. Everyone has reasons to do the things they do.

Mikki Cross

Remember when we were little and your mother would lick her hand to wipe your face when nothing else was around? Yeah i said id never do that its disgusting. I dont know how many times ive done that too my sons..and i get the same response eww mommy. lol

Wedne... WednesdayWoman

Just wanted to mention the two fold nature of the baby on board sign. It is hoped it will make others drive better (but likely not) but also, You're only suppose to have it up when the baby is on board and it is for rescuers - in the case of a car accident - to know there is a baby on board they should be looking for. The driver may be unconcious and often people don't secure baby seats properly and they are flung from the car in an accident.

Nancy Pantuliano Zeni

I am guilty of most of these when my 4 kids were that age. 

nonmember avatar Cass

WednesdayWoman, that story has been conclusively proven as false. http://www.snopes.com/horrors/parental/babysign.asp The signs were invented to send a message to other drivers, not emergency personnel. After all, why would they suggest putting a sign up in a location likely to be damaged in an accident- or at least ignored in an attempt to save the driver's life?

jessi... jessicasmom1

I find myself telling DD to get everything out of her mouth then I start saying do you know where that has been or who has handled it before you lol she says OK mom

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