Right now there’s some minor drama on the Internet about a woman’s right to choose to have a child. You might think I’m talking about “choice vs. life” but that would be far too obvious and actually worthy of argument. Instead the kerfuffle is over the fact that some women are loudly choosing to be childfree.
I actually have a pretty strong opinion about this.
Who. The fuck. Cares?
Choosing not to have kids is a lot like choosing not to wear a sweater. You may feel comfortable not wearing a sweater but most likely someone is going to say, “You need a sweater, you poor thing. You’re going to catch a cold.” Then you’ll explain that getting a cold from temperature is an old wives' tale but they’ll still insist you wear a sweater. Now you’ve got a sweater that you never wanted in the first place and you have to carry it around with you at the amusement park and it gets heavier and heavier and eventually you want to just throw it in the trash and when you finally let someone else hold your sweater you feel free and fabulous and like you could run a marathon if people would just stop throwing sweaters at you. And that’s what having a child is like. At least that’s what it feels like when one is thrust on you by society.
People who have always wanted kids (myself included) sometimes have a hard time understanding why others wouldn’t want a sweater. Especially when it’s your favorite sweater. The one you searched for forever. Comfortable and snuggly and a little too baggy and probably not flattering at all, and all your sweater-free friends keep telling you to leave it at home but you know that later that night there will be a time when you’ll happily bundle yourself up in that sweater and feel like the whole world is right. You’ll look at your sweater-free friend and think, "She must be so cold. I wish she could feel as happy and content as I do right now." You might even be tempted to push a sweater on your friend but here's the deal. She doesn’t want your damn sweater. And that’s fine. Awesome even. There are already plenty of sweaters in the world and the last thing we need is a bunch of sweaters getting left at the bottom of duffel bags by people who never asked for your damn sweater to begin with.
I guess my point is, sweaters make terrible analogies. And that it’s okay people to choose to be parents or to choose to be child-free. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s the American way.
Stop being so concerned about sweaters, you guys. It’s embarrassing all of us.


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Comments 109
i love your analogy. and you're absolutely right. it reminds me of that scene in Sex and the City 2 where the lady is disgusted by Carrie and Big's choice to not have children. i think it's important to be honest with yourself in figuring out if you really want to be a parent, and if you decide not to, nobody has the right to judge. i think it is MUCH better for someone to be honest and decide they don't want kids than to have kids just because it's "the thing to do" and then end up despising them. there's so many women having kids because they're not using proper birth control, not because they want kids, and the child ends up being unwanted and treated like crap. how is that better than just not having kids in the first place? it isn't.
I also worked with a woman who used to use "you'll never understand the joy of life until you bear children" argument. Guess who lost custody of her children? Yeah, mother of the year found the experience so "joyful" that she couldn't properly care for her kids.
Anyway, I don't care if my friends choose not to wear sweaters. It's THEIR decision. I wouldn't want them to try to convince me to not wear a sweater after I had made my choice, so I owe them the same courtesy.
No sweaters for me thank you. I'm 46 and get the same "mouth open, astonished" look everytime I meet someone new and answer that inevitable question. My choice and no regrets. Thanks for those who support our choice.
I also made the choice not to have children. My reasons are my own. I do not feel the need to yell it off the rooftop, nor do I feel the need to apologize for it. I still have not figured out what to say to the little old ladies who feel sorry for me because I do not have children. There is nothing wrong with me. It was my choice.
The analogy was funny.
I get the fact they don't want kids thrust on them, but I asl get part of what lilac was saying then if you don't want kids please don't ask me to act like I don't have any.
I think her comment was more about how they now have kid free resturants movies and a lot of places we want to take our kids but now can't because some people hate them just for existing.
I kind of get her point though hers was a misunderstanding of the article period.
Idk I will take my kids anyplace I go if they are not wanted you don't want me there either then. lol