Groupon's Offer to Name Your Baby for $1,000 Is So Worth It

groupon baby nameAre you having a hard time naming your baby? Want your child to become President of the United States, or maybe even of the whole continent? Well I have a solution for you! Choosing your baby's name is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life and you definitely should NOT trust your own judgement. Too much depends on that name.

Instead, rely on the baby-naming experts.

Let Groupon name your new baby for you -- for a mere thousand dollars! Only catch: They've already picked out a name. And it's "Clembough." No substitutions, according to the "Groupon Names Your Baby" offer. Yes, this is for real.


Now listen -- this is not just for lazy, uncreative people with too much money. (Help! I have too much money. Somebody please help me spend it all.) This is a very special name -- the name of a FUTURE LEADER, people.

More from The Stir: Most Hated Baby Names: Is Your Kid's on the List?

Clembough, though awkward and totally unfamiliar, is actually a "moniker for the ages." Let other people give their babies regular names like William or Bella or Team Jacob. Your baby deserves an important name. "A child named by Groupon will grow tall and proud, and he or she will be a beacon of hope in a world that is in such desperate need of one."

How many of you don't give a fig whether or not your child grows up to be a beacon of hope? Raise your hands! That's what I thought. Now fork over that $1,000.

Okay, of course I'm joking. I would never encourage anyone to pay $1,000 for the name "Clembough." And I'm mostly sure Groupon is joking, too. BUT WHAT IF THEY'RE NOT?

Would you ever pay someone else to name your baby?


Image via Groupon

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