When I became a mother, it changed the way I look at my own mom. Made our connection deeper. Made me want to know so much more about how she was as a parent in those days when I was just an infant. I also like to think about where she was in her life when she was at those milestone motherhood moments. And compare it to where I was or am in mine.
I was 37 when I had my twins, living in NYC -- in Brooklyn. When my mother was 37, I was 12 and my sister was 9. We lived in Queens. Despite the similar locations, our lives were so different when we were both that age. She was well into motherhood; and I was just learning. Learning from her. My mom was 25 when she became a mom. And 25 was quite a year for me as well.
I was going through a sense of uneasiness when I was 25. I felt unsettled, like I wasn't in the right place or doing the right things. I felt unaccomplished despite having just finished post-graduate studies at college. I didn't know what I wanted to be -- if I should go the safe route and become a teacher or the potentially unstable route of pursuing my writing career. It was around that time when I started doing some very deep thinking and had an awakening. I ended up moving back to NYC from the Hudson Valley. A move that eventually led me to my husband, the man who helped me become a mother.
At the same age I went through that, my mother, when she was 25, was adjusting to new motherhood. I'm sure there were times she felt uneasy, she was learning so much about herself, about me, her newborn. Perhaps the parallels were buried in our subconscious. Maybe something in the 25 year old me was channeling my 25 year old mother. She was embarking on a huge life change, as was I. She was something I knew I wanted to be someday -- a mother.
It's kind of poetic when you think about it.
I think I will do this every year -- reflecting, remembering, asking my mother questions and filling in the blanks. It makes me feel closer to her, teaches me things, gives me even more memories.
What about you? Do you ever reflect like this? How old was your mom when she had you? What was your life like when you were that age? What about now? Share your stories.
Image via GoodNCrazy/Flickr
Tie-Dye for the Fourth of July!
Kim and Kanye's Baby Name Predictions!
Moms Love Birthday Parties, Too!
Father Knows Best - Happy Father's Day!
Comments 19
I have reflected on this ebfore, yes. Esp. afetr my daughter was born i really started to empathzie with my mom and think of all she'd done for my odler brother and I.
I was 24 going on 25 when my daughter now 3 almsot 4 was born in July 2008. my mom was 39 and a mother of a three-year-old boy when i was born. She and my fatehr were married. She'd established a nursing career at 22. She'd been to Europe, lvied in dorms, ahd roomates and lvied int he city, one-night stands and nightclubs, got stoend withf riends and boyfriends (it was 60s and 70s in san francisco) before she ebcame a mom. me, I've never been outside of the untied states (sadly) , I still amt rying to find a career as I scrape by on aprt-time jobs, though i ahve my bachelros in English which i received 2 mons before I accdientally got pregannt (a happy accident), and her fatehr and Ia re still not amrried and have been togetehr since we were 22. I have never lived on my own or with roomates. In some ways I envy my mom for having chidlren so alte in lfie as you give up so much to be a mom. I will never experience those thigns she did and it makes me sad. But at the same time, it's what i admire about my mom and am proud to have such an idnependent woman for a mother and remidns I can be that way too. And set a good example for my daughter.
When my mother was 27, she had three kids, ages 6, 5, and 4. I have three kids, ages 4, 2, and 17 months, as well as a 15 year old niece living with us. That was the year my dad had 2 heart attacks, he was 58, and that my mother had back surgery. She had to drop out of college to spend 6 weeks in the hospital, and my older siblings had to go stay with family friends because our relatives, who were numerous, wouldn't step up and help despite my parents requests. I'm currently out of college until I can afford to go back again (paying out of pocket). My husband is a year older than me and healthy. We don't own a home, but my father owned that before they got married, and no one has died to leave us a bunch of land. I'm hoping by the time I'm 30, the age my mother was when she had me, we'll be finished with college and have purchased our first home.
These things do cross my mind sometimes. It sounds weird, but I went out of my way to avoid serendipity with my mom's life. I can remember my mom encouraging me to delay my wedding until 1999 because her mom got married in 1939 and she got married in 1969, so if I got married in 1999 it would be in pattern for the family. And I kept thinking that for both my mom and grandma, that wedding was followed by ten years of infertility followed by one 'miracle' child and then many more years of infertility! So I got married in 1998 and had three kids... broke that pattern wide open! LOL!
I did things a lot earlier than my own mom did... she didn't have me until she was 30. I had three kids when I turned 30. When my mom was 34 like I am now, I was four years old. At 34 I have a ten year old, an eight year old (well, eight in a couple of weeks) and a five and a half year old.
My mom was 32 when she had me. By that time she already had four kids including me. She had my oldest brother at 19 which is coincidentally the same age that I had my daughter. It's amazing to think how different my mom and I are even though we started motherhood at the same age.
Let's see, I'm 27 (will be 28 in September). At 27, my mom had gotten married, had a child (my brother), gotten divorced, then met and got married to my dad. I believe she was doing administrative work; she never finished college. At 27, I've graduated with a Bachelor's degree, got out of a LTR (6 years) about 6 months ago, am living on my own and working at a job I love. My life is much different from hers at my age. Sadly she passed away from cancer a little over 5 years ago so I barely got to know her out of the "mom" phase.