10 Things We All Say About New Babies That Are Really Kind of Creepy

LOL 44

sleeping babyI love babies. Tiny ones. Plump ones. Squirmy ones. Sleepy ones. When you see a baby, you just can't help it. Something in you lets loose, and you say "awwww."

But then there are the other things you say. You know, the verbal diarrhea that spews out when one wants to express how incredibly adorable a new baby is. It sounds good in the moment, but then you step back and wonder ... wait, did that sound as creepy out loud as it does now that I'm thinking about it?

Yes, yes it did. And just so you don't get caught in the trap, let's discuss the rather bizarre things we tend to say when we see a new baby, shall we?

1. I want to eat her up. Move along Jeffrey Dahmer, move along. (Also in this category: Oooh, he's delicious; She looks good enough to eat ...)

2. Those hands are HUGE. Hold up there Mrs. Robinson, he's still in diapers.

3. I can't believe that head fit! Um yeah, my vagina is ... wait, why are we having this conversation?

4. Oooh, I just want to squeeze him! Ouch.

5. He looks just like the ultrasound! Oh gee, thanks for confirming it. My kid really does look like an alien, huh?

6. She and (name of so and so's son) will make such cute little babies. OK, see, she was just born. Can we not fill her uterus quite yet?

7. OMG, look at the size of his ... Actually, don't. Please. Don't.

8. Can I steal him? You do know baby snatching is illegal, right? Although, if you want to just borrow him to complete diaper-changing duties, this one might be negotiable.

9. I'm so going home and making my husband get me pregnant now. Wow. That is just. Too much information?

10. I can't wait to get my hands on her! Yes, we know what you mean. But remember what your Mom meant when she said, "Just wait until I get my hands on you?" It still haunts us.

What's your go-to line when you see a new baby? Is it a little ... off?

Can't get enough of baby pictures? Look at these cuties all cuddled up trying to sleep ... in some rather wacky positions?

Image by Jeanne Sager

baby first year


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar B

I always say that I want to eat my baby's cheeks... face and booty cheeks! Lol I wouldn't really! But they're so cute!

Annette Chiddister

I totally wanna snatch cute little babies...I can talk myself outta it though...cuz they grow up, you see.

Lynette Kay Akins

When my second child was born there was a joke that he just popped right out because  his older brother paved the path with his big head.

nonmember avatar Chelsea

I love the smell of their head right after being born !

Candi Lynn Walkowski

My go-to line is:

1. They are so cute! 

If they are toddlers, i directly compliment them on their hair or cute clothes. Children are happily surprised when an adult directly acknowledges them instead of talking over them ABOUT them no matter the age.

astri... astridnermal

When I had my first son my friends came over to.visit. one of the girls is highly competitive with me, the first thing she said when she saw ds was."I want one". Sure enough she was pregnant two months later!

the4m... the4mutts

None of this is creepy, except someone noticin the size of the boy's penis. My friends and I did/do all the rest tho.

Thewi... Thewife06

I got "Oh my god!  Look at his FEET!  They're MASSIVE!" lol.  and I was informed about how much he looked my my husband over & over & over & over again.  And again. 

I usually look at a baby & just go "oh, how sweet!  How old?"

ColeA... ColeAreeaJet

From the moment my DS1 was born and still even to this day (he's 9) I get that "where did the red hair come from?"  and the "Are you sure that's not the mailman's kid?" (I have brown hair, DH has blonde, FIL has red, apparently it skips a generation).

nonmember avatar Anne-Marie

Creepiest thing I've ever heard was the grandmother calling the baby sexy. What's worse, I've heard it multiple times! (I'm a NICU nurse). Babies are many things: cute, adorable, sweet...just not sexy!

1-10 of 44 comments 12345 Last