Hilary Duff has only been a mom for three weeks, but she is already wiser than women with children 10 times her baby's age. In an interview with Parade, Duff revealed that she has had to let go of a lot of things she expected in order to be a good mom and one of the big ones has to do with her husband.
I have seen this in my own life as much as I see it in my friends. My approach to parenting our 5 and 3-year-old is totally different than my husband's. They would eat pirate's booty for dinner, wear non-matching rags, play video games all day, and never take baths or go to bed on time if it were up to my husband alone. It is not that he is a bad dad. He isn't.
He adores our kids and spends time with them. Way more than I do, in fact. Mostly because I am too busy preparing balanced meals, getting them into the bath, packing good lunches and laying out matching outfits. Both ways are good and together, we bring balance to our lives. Hilary Duff already knows this. As she told Parade:
Despite my best intentions, I have to learn to let go of the way I do things...Even with Mike, he's not going to do everything the way I would do it — and vice versa — but we just want the best for Luca. It's helped me appreciate Mike's role in his life and that we're doing things with the most love that we can. He's really hands on and I appreciate any little help I can get.
It is the smartest advice any new mom can get: Just let go. Let your husband parent in his own way. Let him throw the kids around and feed them junk food if that is his style. Even now, on the mornings when he gets our kids dressed, I bite my tongue because our daughter's long hair is often only half brushed (or pulled into a messy ponytail) and her clothing is mismatched. But you know what? She loves her daddy more than anyone else in the world and he loves her right back.
Moms who do everything and then complain about their spouses and how they have to do everything are missing the point.
If your kids are happy and feel loved and have fun, how much does the other stuff REALLY matter? I know left to his own devices for weeks on end, my husband would find his way toward order. But since I provide that now, he gets to focus on the kids and having fun and they adore him for it.
I would never take that from him (or them) so he can be more like me as a parent. Who is to say my way is the right way? Who is to say any mom is a better parent than dad?
Moms need, on whole, to respect dads and their way of parenting. It may feel different than ours and, in my case, more chaotic, but kids benefit from that diversity so long as you are both on the same page on important things.
My husband would never let our children steal a toy from another child or hit another child or throw a fit in public. We are on the same page there. But when it comes to the smaller things, he does not sweat them and the balance that brings to the table is hugely important.
It allows me to get "me time" and it allows my kids to really know both parents. It is perfect and I am so glad Duff already sees that.
Do you let your husband parent his way?
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