Hilary Duff Makes the Right Move With Her Baby's Daddy

Hilary Duff has only been a mom for three weeks, but she is already wiser than women with children 10 times her baby's age. In an interview with Parade, Duff revealed that she has had to let go of a lot of things she expected in order to be a good mom and one of the big ones has to do with her husband.

I have seen this in my own life as much as I see it in my friends. My approach to parenting our 5 and 3-year-old is totally different than my husband's. They would eat pirate's booty for dinner, wear non-matching rags, play video games all day, and never take baths or go to bed on time if it were up to my husband alone. It is not that he is a bad dad. He isn't.

He adores our kids and spends time with them. Way more than I do, in fact. Mostly because I am too busy preparing balanced meals, getting them into the bath, packing good lunches and laying out matching outfits. Both ways are good and together, we bring balance to our lives. Hilary Duff already knows this. As she told Parade:

Despite my best intentions, I have to learn to let go of the way I do things...Even with Mike, he's not going to do everything the way I would do it — and vice versa — but we just want the best for Luca. It's helped me appreciate Mike's role in his life and that we're doing things with the most love that we can. He's really hands on and I appreciate any little help I can get.

It is the smartest advice any new mom can get: Just let go. Let your husband parent in his own way. Let him throw the kids around and feed them junk food if that is his style. Even now, on the mornings when he gets our kids dressed, I bite my tongue because our daughter's long hair is often only half brushed (or pulled into a messy ponytail) and her clothing is mismatched. But you know what? She loves her daddy more than anyone else in the world and he loves her right back.

Moms who do everything and then complain about their spouses and how they have to do everything are missing the point.

If your kids are happy and feel loved and have fun, how much does the other stuff REALLY matter? I know left to his own devices for weeks on end, my husband would find his way toward order. But since I provide that now, he gets to focus on the kids and having fun and they adore him for it.

I would never take that from him (or them) so he can be more like me as a parent. Who is to say my way is the right way? Who is to say any mom is a better parent than dad?

Moms need, on whole, to respect dads and their way of parenting. It may feel different than ours and, in my case, more chaotic, but kids benefit from that diversity so long as you are both on the same page on important things.

My husband would never let our children steal a toy from another child or hit another child or throw a fit in public. We are on the same page there. But when it comes to the smaller things, he does not sweat them and the balance that brings to the table is hugely important.

It allows me to get "me time" and it allows my kids to really know both parents. It is perfect and I am so glad Duff already sees that.

Do you let your husband parent his way?

 

Image via Splash

baby first year

26 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Desir... Desireesmom2011

I would if my babies daddy had at least a little common sence. I don't let our daughter go anywere with him alone. If I did It would take him hours to clean a poopy diaper and she would get realy bad rashes. If she is crying he would bounce her on his knee for hours not ever thinking oh hey maybe shes hungary cause I havent fed her at all. He's not verry smart and our 7 month ols crys whenever he comes around cause shes related him to pain and hunger and being just plain uncomfortable. But I do 100% agree with this article as long as the father is trust worthy enough and has conmmon sence.

JAFE JAFE

What a terrific post. I just loved it. I let my husband be the dad he needed and could be and we have two fine grown boys. *thumbs up Sasha*

libby261 libby261

From the very beginning when my daughter was born, my dh was very hands on.  He didn't know how to change a diaper, but willingly learned.  He would do bathtime (we have the classic pic of baby in the kitchen sink!).  His bathtime routine with her was more play -- they made up games with her bath toys.  When I gave her a bath, I was less play and more bathing.  Their bath time would last an hour.  He would do feedings and get up in the middle of the night with her.  He's a great hands on dad and definately has his on way of doing things.  

nonmember avatar Brooke

Yes, I am a very controlling and bossy person by nature, so it took a while for me to learn to let it go but eventually I did. I think at first I was discouraging my husband by insisting things be done my way, but it has been so liberating to just let him do his thing with the children. If I leave to run an errand by myself the house will most likely be messy when I get home but the smiles on my children's faces is priceless!

nonmember avatar renova

I confirm. So happens. We can communicate on this theme.

Melis... Melissa042807

I really try. He's a very good dad. The biggest thing is discipline and when kiddo throws tantrums - husband and I are very different in the ways we handle conflict and I often have to insert myself into a situation and remind him "That doesn't work with a 2 year old!". But I try not to micromanage. It's hard because I'm the stay at home parent and it's easy for me to act like I know everything. But I try to keep in perspective how much our son loves spending time with his daddy and let them have their fun. 

sweet... sweet.lil.mama

My hubby is good with feeding our sons nutritional foods and bathing and they are always neatly dressed. My Dh takes pride in his parenting. He doesn't do anything half assed

Karmi... KarmicChild

I get upset with my husband because he is not a very "hands on" parent.  Then, I remind myself that I unintentionally pushed (and continue to push) him away from helping with our three year old.  Aside from being a teensy bit controlling, I have the classic "military mom syndrome".  We found out I was pregnant four days before he deployed to Iraq, he managed to get R&R in time for her birth, but headed back overseas when she was only nine days old and didn't return until she was nearly six months old.  He has also had to train out of state for weeks to months at a time over the past few years.  So, I have just gotten used to being the one who handles everything from the bills to the baby.  Now that his career is a little more settled, I have been trying to encourage him to help out more, but at this point we are too set in our ways. :(

BusyM... BusyMom7789

I'm actually more of the laid back parent in the household.  When my first child was born I told myself to just enjoy being with them than stressing about the laundry being done or everything being perfect.  My husband works long, long hours so it usually just the children and myself for 5 days during the week and I don't want to spend that time obsessing over things.  Less stress for mommy = less stress on the children.

Colet... Colettekr

Yea, if there's common sense, I agree!! The kids would go all day without eating, although he fed himself. The reason? They never told me they were hungry....

1-10 of 26 comments 123 Last