Nobody likes to be accused of something they didn't do. My 6-year-old gets mighty indignant when I point the finger at her for something the dog was responsible for (or at least she says it was the dog). So imagine the false accusation was child abuse. And it was levied at you.
Even in the context of a hypothetical, the thought makes me angry. But for William and Tiffany O'Shell, this wasn't a hypothetical. Their sweet baby girl Alyssa had been taken away and placed in a foster home because X-rays found 11 broken bones in her 3-month-old body. Only it wasn't child abuse ravaging her body. It was a rare disease.
Spinal muscular atrophy eventually killed little Alyssa O'Shell in October 2008. But four months earlier, burdened by the accusation that he was the type of evil creature who beats an innocent baby, her dad had killed her mom and then himself.
The story is back in the headlines this week as Tiffany O'Shell's family fights with child protective services to admit they were wrong and change their practices to prevent future tragedies. And it's put a new spin on the mommy wars. Why do we fight so much? Because the job of raising and protecting a human being is a privilege and being called a bad parent is a hurt that cuts deeper than any insult.
I want to be clear here. I mean no disrespect to those who choose to be child-free. But even they were raised by people who had an incredible responsibility. They -- we -- were sent home from the hospital with a little person who was completely unable to fend for themselves. This isn't a goldfish that can die and be flushed down the toilet, replaced with an identical fish before the kids wake up.
This is a human being, and what's more, we created this human being. We are to blame for putting them on this planet, knowing full well that they would be dependent on us. It's a job you sign up for knowing full well you can never quit.
Now imagine yourself in William O'Shell's shoes. You have done everything right. You are a loving, giving, devoted parent. And not only is there something wrong with this precious person, but people think you did it, that you brought this life into this world and then did the unthinkable. You failed.
The O'Shell murder-suicide was a horrible tragedy. But I don't know a parent out there who can't understand why it happened.
What is the worst thing you have been accused of doing to your kids?
Image via Jen and Jim S/Flickr
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Comments 99
this made me cry its so sad that pore family and that pore little baby she ws propubly in pane and knowone knew why,
@ Holls85 I completely understand what you mean. Although my son was born at 11 pounds 8 oz he just didn't like breast milk or formula. He would go hours without feeding but took about 5 feedings during late night clusters. Even now at 21/2 it a struggle to get him to eat but he's surving on protein shakes I make up for him that has fruit, oatmeal, yogurt, etc. However everytime I take him to the doctor to get help I get looks like I'm doing something wrong. We been to a lot of doctors trying to figure out why he's "scared of food" but decided we will try our on way for a while.
Such a sad story all around. :(
I've never been accused of anything bad, but we did get asked a ton of questions when my DD broke her arm at 18 months. I know it was just standard procedure, but it makes me a little sad that they even have to do that. I didn't even realize at the time what they were checking for. We just had to tell what happened to about a dozen people. I remember at the time thinking "Do you people not communicate with each other? We've told you ten times already what happened!" After the fact I realized they were probably looking for inconsistencies and just spending extra time in our room to watch us interact with DD. Thankfully cps was not involved. It was stressful enough finding out she needed an overnight stay and surgery, I could not have handled an investigation on top of it. I feel for you mothers who have had to deal with that on top of a sick or injured child. :(
I have a slightly similar story with my dear friends. They live in Ohio, and have had to fight to even have VISITATION rights to their child because CPS deemed them abusive when they brought their daughter into the ER because she had simply fallen but has a very rare bleeding disorder; they said they were beating her and have had to live without their daughter for almost 2 years now, barely able to see her, having to take anger management classes, etc. It even said on her medical records she had this condition but no one would listen to them or look at her chart!
I do not think it is ok for 1 second for the dad to kill the wife then himself. He should have fought harder. Such a sad and sickening story.
I don't care what's going on, for him to take someone else's life then his own makes this so much more of a tragedy, and it was tragic enough before that. I would not allow my husband to take his own life or mine because of something like this. I couldn't think I won't be there when that child passed away because we selfishly took our own lives. Who was there for her? The parents in my opinion gave up. I am a fighter, I would live on the streets, or in my car to get what I needed to fight for this child. Giving up wouldn't be an option...EVER. Even if my name was sullied, or there was a chance I didn't get my child back, my child is worth more than my life. This isn't the first instance I've heard of false accusations of abuse though, Brittle Bone Disease is also something an uneducated physician (an oxymoron, but it's happened) might claim to be abuse. It's so unnecessary if they just do research first before accusing.
There is so much wrong with the system. I myself recently had cps out to my house because my son middle child had been in the er 5 times in 3 yrs (he is extemely accident prone and the only one that has been to the er like this). All this because while asking my husband questions in the er they decided our doberman that we've had since he was 7wks old, and at the time wasn't even 3yrs old, bit my sons forehead. They didn't listen to the fact that the dog was next to me on the couch and my son was in the toy room. When the woman came to my house she didn't understand why they filed the report as I was up front and honesty with her and she could clearly see that everything was fine, my son even ran right into the wall while she was here so she saw for herself how clumsy he was. People just jump to conclusions without facts and because of all the no spanking, no yelling, this that and the other leave parents afraid to do anything to a child as punishment b/c they might be taken away. People wonder where the respect kids/teens used to have went to, it went out the window when parents were told to stop punishing their children or "putting the fear of god in them" was told was wrong.
My son has Brittle Bone Disease and has had over 100 fractures and he just turned 2, its every parents worst fear to be accussed of abuse. I cannot imagine how devastating it would be to have my children taken away and knowing that there was nothing we did wrong. Its just a heartbreaking story.