How to Use Your Kids to Get Out of Social Obligations

man on phoneSocial obligations start at such a young age these days. Remember when you were a child and some kid that you really didn't care for asked you to stay the night or come to their party and you really didn't want to go? Think hard, get in the way back machine, what’s the best way to say no and still come out like the good guy? Get yourself an excuse, a real life scapegoat. Can you say, “My dad said no!” Feign disappointment and go on about your life. After all, it’s not your fault that your dad said no. Meanwhile, the kid feels sorry for YOU for having such a giant asshole for a father.

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Good news. You can employ this exact tactic as an adult to escape social obligation, only remove Dad/Mom and insert my baby, toddler, kid, teen or crazy spouse, if you are feeling particularly foggy. It’s called the blame game, baby, and you can get out of almost anything, if you know what you are doing.

Want to come over for a family barbecue? Wow! I’d love to but the baby is prone to bursting into flames when in the sun too long. Maybe if the next one’s at night? Damn baby vampires!

Want to come to my going away party? Oh man! Is that tonight? The kid is teething, the wife is menstruating, and I’m pretty sure the dog is about to kick the bucket. Maybe next time, little buddy. Damn, dog!

Want to come to my fortieth birthday party? Seriously? I thought that was next year. My kid has a recital that night. I can’t miss it. I’m the videographer. Damn, needy kids!

Can you help me load my moving truck? Ooh, I would love to but I already promised junior that today was the day that I would teach him how to drive. He’s been waiting sixteen years. Sorry. Damn teenagers!

Want to come to my cousin’s brother’s sister’s husband-to-be’s bachelor party? Well, I don’t really know the bachelor and my wife’s probably going into labor sometime late this week. I should be able to make it for a little while.

Damn Strippers!

What excuses have you used your kids in to get out of social obligations?

Image via Extra Zebra/Flickr

 

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